Blessings – A Turning Point

How could I not have known how worthy I am of receiving?

How could I not have seen my true light and value?

How could I have spent the last 36 years without constantly honouring and bowing before the divinity that moves through me, that I am?

 

May I remember to bless myself, to love myself, to nurture myself and to honour myself.

May I eat food consciously and with gratitude.

May I stretch my beautiful body and feel the strength and grace in my muscles.

May I thank my mind for all the beautiful thinking it does for me.

May I appreciate my joints for bending and staying healthy and lubricated.

May I honour the tremendous amount of work that my organs, skin and bodily systems complete, without ever taking a break.

May I look at myself in the mirror and know that my body temple is magnificent and that it houses my bright and shiny soul who wants to come out to play and to love and to dance with all of creation.

May I remember to thank my heart, for beating and for leading me into this new territory of being open and vulnerable.

May I celebrate the fierce passion arising within me, the one that makes me feel like I have the power to ignite that same fire within the bellies and hearts of all.

May I honour myself so much that I never once question whether I should be authentic or not.

May my heart be light and may I nourish myself with love, healthy food, prayer, chanting, nature, dance and wonderful company as never before.

May every choice I make and every breath I take be rooted in love and gratitude and reverence for the being that I am.

May I always remember that I am worth it and that it is never a sacrifice to stop and take better care of all of my precious self.

Namaste and Wohoo, all at once : )

 

Note from me: I listened to the Guided Meditation for Conscious Eating from Ramdesh Kaur’s meditation CD called the Body Temple. It opened me up to all the ways that I could and wanted to honour myself more deeply.  It was a deeply transformational experience that led me to hearing the words above in my head.

Become the Ocean

The two sides of me met today.

 

The part of me that feels connected to the divine has been growing stronger and

she nurtured the one who has been trying to stay afloat in the ocean of human suffering.

 

She whispered to the one who has been struggling to float

And she said,

 

“Become the ocean.

You don’t need to try to float anymore.

You don’t need to fight anymore.

You don’t need to struggle anymore.

Become the ocean.

Merge with the ocean.

Stop fighting and give yourself to the ocean;

for when you are the ocean

you don’t have to do anything;

you just are the ocean

and you can just observe everything that happens in the ocean,

without getting lost in the waves and storms.”

 

“Become the ocean,” she said.

 

I watched the one who struggles

and she stopped flailing around

and she started to relax.

After a few minutes

she wasn’t there any more,

for she had merged with the ocean.

The one who struggles became the one

who observes life and all of its waves,

as opposed to the one who fears the waves and tries

to get away from them.

 

For now I will rest and

be grateful to the wholeness within me

for bringing the one who struggles to the surface,

to become the ocean;

a symbol of the wholeness of the universe,

of the waters of heaven that pour into all hearts,

regardless of when we are ready to become the ocean, the universe,

the purity, the divine.

 

May we all rest easy in knowing that the waters will call for us to join them

when we are ready to stop the fight,

the struggle to stay afloat.

 

Peace be with you and with me, as we allow the shift in our experience

from the floater

to the all:

the ocean.

My thoughts about this poem: This was literally my experience yesterday and it blew me away.  I was dizzy so I lay down and then I started crying and I felt the right side of me awaken and talk to the left side of me, who was drowning.  The words I wrote above were what I heard within me.  I was repeating, “become the ocean,” out loud to myself for a short while too.  I am feeling very blessed to be going through this awakening and it is my wish and intention that by sharing this with you, that you will know that you are not alone, that there are gifts in all of your suffering and that the answers truly do come at the right time. I have wished for my life to be easier many times, but now that I am here, I would not have traded one bit of suffering, because it is exceptionally sweet and beyond description to be learning to pull myself up out of suffering and give myself a hug.  May your inner truth shine so brightly so that it may speak softly to you, just as mine is starting to do more and more.

An Open Letter To All Hearts – a poem

I wrote this poem a year ago and it is feeling more like the right time to share this with others.  I was fortunate to share it recently with a few special people and their feedback encouraged me to share it more openly.  May the words within this open letter find their way right into your heart and may they melt away your limiting beliefs about yourself. May you know you are supremely worthy and beautiful. Love, Bradlee

Pre-amble

This morning I was on the bus and I was so inspired by the number of people on the bus and the myriad of experiences they each must be having as they live their own lives.
I saw a young man run from the back of the bus because he saw a girl near the front of the bus whom he probably really liked, and he stood squished next to her seat for the whole
ride, just so he could talk to her.  I saw another man and woman on the bus who were talking and they looked like they may fall in love and get married in the future
and they were just passing through that awkward stage of getting to know one another.  I saw an older gentlemen wearing a suit jacket and he had his eyes closed and his face was relaxed and smiling.  I saw a young woman quietly reading the Bible. During this ride, I felt an opening in my heart as I watched these beautiful people, living their lives.  My heart filled with love and the following words came to me:

An open letter to all hearts

If only you could know the beauty that you are.
You are so radiant in all that you do and all that you are.
I see you and I love you.
I see you and I see God.

The majesty of your grace is indescribable with words.
The curve of your neck to your shoulders is as smooth and flowing as a river running through the land.
The color of your hair reflects all of the color that the rainbow wouldn’t even dream of reflecting.
The softness of your heart shines around you and melts my own.

May you know the grace that you are, always have been and always will be.
May you sip the sweet nectar within your heart as it nourishes your body,
sparks the creativity in your mind and carries you through life.

May you be blessed to look in the mirror and love yourself.

May you be blessed to honor and appreciate the magnificence that you are,
that I see in you.

May you know you are never alone, that you are loved both from afar
and within.

May you feel the honor it is for our planet to have us here
as she patiently allows us to destroy her, as part of our journey
to discover the beauty that we are, that she is, that all is.

May you dance the dance of joy that is waiting to radiate
out from under your feet, from your arms, your smiling face,
your fluid spine.

May you be filled with the force of life and may it surround you
in it’s warm blanket of comfort and possibilities.

May you rejoice in who you are, no matter what you have been taught
to think about yourself.

May you know you are worth it.

A new beginning

It has been nearly two years since I wrote on this blog.  I was (and still am) undergoing huge changes in my life and I needed a break from putting my thoughts out for others to read.  It was an intensely beautiful time of sharing my thoughts with myself, and starting to feel and know myself from a place of more kindness, instead of always wanting to get to the next healing and next place inside that was broken.

Today is June 24, 2016 and it feels like a remarkable day, like a day for a new beginning, once that has already started, and possibly started way before I was born.  Today, I listened to my heart, that so sweetly and preciously encouraged me to contact my colleagues to see if I could start teaching yoga and breathing and relaxation sessions at work.  I have done similar activities in the past, but this step forward was different.  I felt it rise up from within me, with no regard for judgement from others or fear about what others might think of me.  It was like a deep power rose up from within me, a passionate power that was ready to shine and share its gifts with the world. It was an honour to feel that strength and passion and to fully connect with it and allow it to guide me.  I recently met a part of me that has been shut off from my awareness for what feels like hundreds of years.  It is a part of me that is passionate, vulnerable and willing to be open and fearless.  I wasn’t able to recognize it at all at first, but it spoke to me urgently, asking me to pay attention, to nurture it, to acknowledge it, to welcome it back home into my heart.  I figured that out this past Tuesday and there has been a growing opening within me, where that passion and freedom is taking root and is helping me spread my wings.  It is both awe inspiring and slightly scary, because it has no regard for limitations, fears, or anything that has held me back before.  It is also humbling, because I feel that the timing is so beautiful and that life is holding me so tenderly and preciously so that I can accept the amazing gifts of passion and courage that have been locked away within me, waiting for this very time in my life.

May you know it is safe for you to shine too, just as I am allowing that safety to envelop me during this highly transformational time.  Many blessings of peace, love, courage and faith to you.

Where I Belong!

The Preamble

I know I structure most of my posts in the same way, and this one is no exception…”here is what I used to do, here is what I have come to see about that, and here is how I have shifted.”  That is the model of my life lately and I hope that it continues that way!  I want to keep seeing that which has kept me from being my true self and I keep getting more and more surprised about how much more there is to me, the real me, than I ever imagined or dared to dream!

The Amble:)

For most of my life, okay, for all of my life except for the past 3 days, I always wanted to belong.  I always looked outside of myself for a place to belong, for someone to accept me, even a stranger.  I have some extreme examples of things I have done in my relatively short life to be accepted and I’m sure that most of us have done some similar, possibly more or less extreme, things!

In order to be accepted, belonged or loved, I have:

  • checked all around while driving to see what speed others have put their windshield wipers and put mine at the same (now I happily put them at whatever speed I happen to think would be beneficial, even if it is faster than others!)
  • considered removing the cellulite from the backs of my legs with a knife (that was a dark moment in high school, fortunately after the thought passed through my awareness, I immediately knew it was wrong)
  • covered up parts of my body that others told me were too big
  • tried to be the best at everything, even becoming way too competitive (and even sometimes mean when I was playing basketball later in high school and in college), and losing myself in the world of school and teachers, to be the best, to get noticed, to have a place, to feel like I belonged somewhere.
  • shaved my legs because everyone else did
  • gotten drunk because everyone else did
  • gossiped, judged and criticized others because everyone else did
  • and the list goes on

In the past few days, I had a conversation with a friend and we were talking about our lives and he was telling me he is working on accepting things that have happened in his life.  I smiled and agreed, because it is wonderful, but I told him that I wondered if you could accept things when there was still so much anger and sadness inside.  We chatted for quite a long time and then I came home.  It was only that night that what he said really hit me and I got it: what if I accepted MYSELF truly, fully and completely?

What if I did that?

Would I still need to belong somewhere outside of myself, would I still care about what others think and try to fix/adjust myself for them?

Would I still long for my parents to love me and see me the way I want them to?

It was a moment of huge realization for me.  I was lying in bed and I put my hands on my heart and I said out loud, “I accept myself,” and I got a huge wave of goosebumps, so I said it again, “I accept myself, I belong right here.”  It was so profound, it felt like the most profound and soul penetrating thing I had ever done.  It was like this huge weight lifted off of me and I accepted myself instead of always looking outside of me for a sense of belonging and acceptance.  I was even able to thank my parents from my heart for the gift they gave me in my life, the way they parented me eventually got me to the realization that I didn’t need them to accept me, but if I could accept myself, all would be well!  It was a brilliant, open and loving moment!

I was so pleased, so happy that I finally was able to get to that point.  I had accepted myself and I felt the shifts happening inside me over the next few days as that wonderfully loving message sunk in to every cell in my body.  I won’t have to look outside of me for someone to agree that I belong here or for them to accept me.  I could love myself first and all would come from there!  I wonder if I’ll start dancing in the streets?  Maybe or maybe not, but now I can sing loudly in my car, even at a red light, and I can teach my children’s classes and know that I am perfect just the way I am, and I can parent more from my heart and be more true to myself than ever before.  How about that, eh?  I’ve always heard that, the answer is in you, the power is in you, it is really awesome to have a chance to experience that from within with the self-love and acceptance I found the other night.