What our experiences can teach us if we are willing to see it

I think we’ve all heard, “it happened for a reason,” about an experience that we are going through or have gone through.  Sometimes that statement can be so obviously true, or super infuriating if the experience is what we may deem as horrible and painful, and it may lead us to wonder what we have done to “deserve it.”

The guide that I’ve been going to see for nearly two years now to clear out all the old energies, karma, emotions and memories, has been repeating several truths to me and I’m starting to get that our experiences can teach us and show us that which we haven’t wanted to see, if we can allow it and be willing to look deeper.

Last week, I got off the bed in our spare room, stepped onto the floor and a sharp, stabbing pain filled my foot!  I screamed out really loudly and I was scared about what could have caused it. I felt the panic rising in my chest and I was nervous.  I gently took my sock off and there was a small piece of wood sticking out of it.  I’ve had splinters before, but this seemed more like  a shard of wood or something and it frightened me even more.  My husband wasn’t home and I realized I was going to have to deal with it myself, which I rarely have done in my life.  My Dad was always my splinter remover and that job just fell to my husband since he was good at it.  I never questioned it, but just said to myself, “ya, I must go to a man to get my splinter removed.”  Ha, I’m laughing as I type this because that thought was so true.

I hopped over to the bathroom to get some tweezers and I was really starting to feel like a victim by the time I got there.  Despite all the tools I have learned for connecting to myself, breathing deeply, acknowledging the fear and feeling it, I was in panic mode and no tool thoughts were able to enter through the panic I was feeling.  I grabbed the tweezers and yanked it out.  It was still really throbbing and painful and I lay on the bed and tried to come deeper into my body and to send some love to where the pain was. It was only after the piece of wood was out that I was able to start using some tools, but the panic had taken over and it was slower going than if I had connected to myself right away.  That’s okay, it was all part of what I was meant to learn and see.

I limped a fair bit on and off for nearly a week, so I figured that there must be another piece of wood in my foot, which kind of kept me in a slight fear mode for that entire week.  Finally, the day came when I walked and the pain was so excruciating that I knew that there must be more wood in there and that my body had been working so hard to push it closer to the surface for me. I had probed around with the tweezers when I initially took it out but I hadn’t been able to see anything.  So, after feeling that pain at the end of the week, I knew that I would have to break through the skin (yikes!) and pull out the beast!

Robbin (my husband) and I were armed with tweezers, nail clippers and needles to try to get it out, and I was squirming and too scared to let Robbin try to take it out.  I tried myself and I felt a lot of “this is so hard, this is going to hurt, I can’t do this,” thoughts and energies moving through my body, so I stopped and breathed and connected to myself.  I thought then that I could let Robbin do it, but it was like I just couldn’t, so I decided to try it myself again.  It got a little easier and less scary, and then I stopped and realized that the reason why this happened to me was so that I could take back my power from splinters and from my body being hurt and hoping/asking that others take care of me.  I mentioned that to Robbin and I felt much lighter inside.  I was able to really dig out the thick skin (yikes, but this time it was much less of a yikes) and then I was able to grab it. I breathed, got the tweezers ready and I pulled it out.  It was sooooo long and thick, it was crazy!  It was an inch long and a millimetre thick at one end and likely a millimetre and a half at the other end.  I exclaimed out loud about it and then I didn’t want to look at it!  Robbin encouraged me to, to look at it, appreciate what my body had gone through, and what a personal victory I had just achieved in its removal.  I looked at it from that perspective and marvelled at it and I felt so free, so happy, so empowered!  It was the biggest splinter I’d ever seen and I was able to see the lesson it had for me and I was able to free myself from the grip of “help me, I don’t know what to do, I can’t do this by myself.”  Hooray!

I took out the garbage that night and it was really cold and refreshing and I got to the end of the driveway and I looked around and then I was overwhelmingly compelled to run up and down the driveway pumping my arms in the air and yelling, “I did it, yes I did it!”  Tee hee, I don’t think anyone saw me, but if they had, they would have joined me I’m sure!

I hope to keep getting the secret messages that my life’s experiences have to share with me!

How Green Eggs and Ham helped my parenting

From randomhouse.com

I first read Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss several months ago with my 3 year old daughter.  I remember reading it and being struck by how grumpy the character is who won’t eat the green eggs and ham, and how cheerful Sam I Am is, the one who keeps saying, “would you like them here or there, or with a goat?  on a boat?”

I think this book is brilliant.  It is exactly representative of how we don’t have to let our mood and well-being depend on others.  Here is this cute little character who is cheerful throughout the entire book, despite the resistance and almost rudeness of the other taller, fluffy character.

It really hit me one day that this book is so useful for parenting.  I was in the kitchen, preparing some food for my daughter which is always tricky.  I asked her if she would like some food x, and she said no, so I asked her if she would like food y, and she said no.  I felt myself slouch forward and I said, “oh,” and that was the end of it.  I kind of deflated.  Then I said to myself, “hey that little Sam I Am never lets it bother him that the grumpy guy won’t eat, so maybe I can be creative like him.”  So I tried offering her the food in a more wild and fun way, and it made me feel great!  I wasn’t giving up my power or my well-being to her food choices!  I could still get her some food that she would probably eat and I could enjoy myself at the same time!  It became fun and silly to offer her all kinds of wacky combinations of foods in wacky locations.  How about that.  Thank you sincerely Dr. Seuss.  You helped me to see I had a choice!

Kids: love and gratitude

This is a picture of me with Zara, almost one year ago. I absolutely love this picture because it is a reflection of how much I love her. When I look at it, I see the love, I feel it and I am at peace. I love her and I am grateful for her every day, really and truly.

I sometimes look back at my life and wonder how it is that I never felt like I was a blessing or that I was special or that I was a gift to my parents, to the world?  I’m starting to think that is how it “should” be as we live here on this planet, that we feel loved and appreciated by those closest to us, and if I can be really bold, by everyone.  Aren’t we all special, unique and beautiful?  Aren’t we all so much more than the wounds we carry, from this life and others past, so much more than our bodies, than our families, than our jobs, than our perfect lives?  What about the connection to the heart, to our true selves?  That is where our true beauty lies and I’m starting to see, as I evolve and open, that we are all truly grateful and full of love at our core, and once we can even get a small glimpse of our truth, then gratitude flows from there and so does the wonder, love and appreciation of life.

I remember when our daughter Zara was born in early 2009, I was holding her, I was so full of love, so in awe, as so many of us are when we first have a child.  I remember thinking she was such a blessing, such a gift and that I was so grateful she was born, that she chose us as her parents.  I have kept those feelings for her although I have lost touch with them in some of my darker moments, when I was fighting the darkness within me, the pity I had for myself, for never feeling like I was as loved as I was loving her.  Somehow though, I knew that those feelings weren’t where I wanted to be living, I didn’t want that darkness to take over our beautiful lives together.  Thankfully, I read some amazing parenting books that helped me overcome some of those feelings and I’ve since been working with an energy healer to get to the core of them and to release them so that I’m not having to fight those thoughts off, they have just disappeared.

So now, I truly feel like I am almost always in awe of her and grateful to her for being in our lives.  I love the sound of her feet running through our house, I love her giggles, I love watching how fearlessly she cries when she is upset (I always hide my face, I want to get to a point where I can express an emotion without feeling like I need to hide it or my face), I love snuggling with her, reading stories with her, playing with her, watching her pick up worms and dig holes for them, see her unloading the groceries, watch her make new friends and try new things with her homeschool group or at her swimming lessons.  I love being with her.  I feel like I have given myself permission to be her mom and to be me too, instead of just only being her mom, trying to “over-love” her and “over-protect” her so she would never feel as sad as I did inside.  Now that I know it is impossible that she will feel that way, that same sadness, I have (with some amazing coaching from our family’s energy healer Jean Brazeau, some brilliant support and coaching from my husband Robbin, and lots of love from my own heart to me) given myself permission to be me and that has allowed her to be more free from me and to learn more about who she is.  As such, I am truly grateful to her and I love her dearly.  Through her joining our family, Robbin and I have found personal freedom, greater love and gratitude and so much more fun and enjoyment of life!!

That leads me to wonder why I grew up not knowing that children (including myself) were awesome, that they are fun and giggly and so full of love?  I can’t possibly be the only one!!!  There must be others like me who thought that kids were just there and not much else?  And to those who are/were like me in their thoughts and beliefs about children I say where do those beliefs and thoughts come from?  We are all born as brilliant beings of light and love, it is impossible not to see this in a newborn child.  The only reason we lose that light is because it is not nurtured, for some it is stamped out until there are no traces of it.  We are all brilliant, the light still burns deep inside, it can be re-ignited.  I feel like I can say this because my own light has been re-ignited and I have watched others go through the same processes with Jean and they now see so much more of their own power, their own truth, just as Robbin and I are.

What can we do about the children and how we see them and how we treat them?  Let’s make sure they are loved, not because they should be, but because we want to, because it is nearly impossible not to love them.  As we love them and nurture them, we will nurture ourselves and it will empower us to move beyond the darkness that is not us, to a place of love and gratitude.  I read this fantastic book called The Five Love Languages of Children (http://www.5lovelanguages.com/learn-the-languages/the-five-love-languages/)and it explains how all people have a love tank and that each person has different needs to fill up their tank:

  • acts of service (sewing a patch on a favorite pair of pants, offering to clean up when you see they are too tired to do it)
  • gifts (they recommend limiting this, but really putting effort into the gift because they love the thought and preparation and even the wrapping of the gift)
  • touch (hugs, kisses, rubbing, physical contact)
  • words of affirmation (compliments, I love you)
  • quality time (full attention for a period of time)

It gives tips on how to recognize your child’s love language so that you can respond accordingly for filling up their tank.  I read this and I immediately recognized my love languages (touch, quality time and words of affirmation) and I realized that I wasn’t touched as much as I would have liked (I remember my mom saying I didn’t like hugs, maybe I didn’t, but I needed them!!) and the words “I love you” weren’t used much in our house.  So there you go, this seems like a pretty easy solution to providing that love that children so desperately need and it can also translate directly to your relationship with your spouse (there is another book for adults too, although I think you can just read one and apply it across the board).  Maybe if we all spent a little more time realizing what our own love needs are and those of our immediate family (spouses and children), then we might just live in a world full of more love and gratitude that flows naturally.  Maybe if we can focus on our children and on our selves, and meeting those needs, we will laugh more, feel better, see the love in the world and just maybe, we’ll actually think to say, “thanks so much for being part of my life, I love you so much.”  I made up this song for our daughter, a long time ago now, even before I had opened up my heart to the full potential of love and it is like this,

“Thank you Zara, thank you Zara, thank you Zara, for being a part of our lives.”  I made up the tune, it actually sounds pretty sweet (tee hee, I think I made it up, but chances are it’s a modified tune from some kids song we were singing at the library!!!).  So I sang it to her before she was 2 and she said, “you’re welcome mommy.”  Enough said.  Love and gratitude.  A amazingly perfect and beautiful combination, even if you don’t have kids, there must be someone you want to thank for being a part of your life.  Step out from behind the wall and say it.  Know that the wall around you isn’t real, you can step beyond it and still be safe in this world.  Love and gratitude.   Could it really be that simple?