Looking up at the stars

Looking up at the stars

I turn my life over.

I see them shining and twinkling

and standing out in the dark sky

and they make me want to stand out

in a similar way in my own life;

to breathe deep, fill with courage

and to be myself, no matter what.

 

Looking up at the stars,

I know there is more to me,

to my life and to my choices.

 

Looking up at the stars and breathing in the cold air,

I feel like I should keep reaching up

so that I can bring heaven down

to share with everyone I meet.

 

Looking up at the stars,

I dig in deeper and commit more fully to my life,

to myself and to a truth that the stars

shine so purely.

 

Looking up at the stars, I remember

that I am already free and that I am

perfect just the way I am.

 

Looking up at the stars,

I hear my inner voice more clearly

and it tells me I am on the right track,

that I can relax and know that I am already great

and all will come in good time.

 

Looking up at the stars, I breathe

more easily and know that all is well.

 

Looking up at the stars, I know

that I am already home and there is peace

within me.

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Say yes to vulnerability

Say yes to vulnerability.

Say yes to all the ways you thought you shouldn’t be.

Say yes to being honest.

Say yes to admitting you are struggling.

Say yes to choosing love over fear.

Say yes to peace.

Say yes to having your walls knocked down.

Say yes and thank you to the fear  that wants to keep you safe.

Say yes to having your safe-haven opened and exposed.

Say yes to you;

All that is waiting for you is you

and more love than you ever imagined possible.

You are very worthy of saying yes to.

 

-Thanks for reading.  You are worthy.

 

The end of living a “falsely perfect” life

I have been striving to live a perfect life for a very long time.  While I am only 36 years old, I feel much older at times because of the weight that this need for perfection has been on my shoulders and heart.

Over the last few weeks I have felt angry.  I have felt angry at myself for pushing down my power and my strength, all in the name of living this falsely perfect life that had no need or want for power or strength. I defined “falsely perfect” as the need to always be nice, to be able to say that “yes, things are great,” whenever asked, to not ever get mad or be “mean, and to have things so perfectly organized and arranged so that I could feel good. What I have started to see is how exhausting this way of living has been for me, as well as limiting and frustrating!

I was lying in bed this morning and I felt myself lifting up inside, like I was being lifted to a higher level of awareness and freedom and potential.  A few hours later, I was seething mad, like I wanted to yell and scream and break things, so when I lay down to rest and breathe, I said, “I surrender this false and limiting way of living.  I surrender the belief that only certain ways of existing are perfect.  I surrender the inner critic and judge.”  I was also feeling what it felt like as I was saying those things, so I was using my feelings as guide about what to do.  It was amazing because it was like all the anger I have felt about forcing myself to live in this falsely perfect was guiding me to free myself.  It was like that part of me rose up and helped me to say, “ENOUGH,” and that gave me the knowledge and strength to free myself from this pretend prison and to welcome back all parts of me.

I saw myself smashing down those prison walls and I felt rising, falling and melting within me, almost like the parts of me that I was surrendering (and the prison walls) were being absorbed, pulled into my heart, bounced around, healed and released to be free.

Ahhhh, deep breath : )

Here I am, an hour after crashing down my prison walls and I felt the need to write about it.  I feel like I have all of this energy within me and it still wants to crash through life and push things out of the way, because it’s been buried down deep within me for so long.  I am so interested and keen to get to know these parts of myself, and get to know their passions and interests and desires!   I feel like I unknowingly buried my strength and power in an attempt to live a “good girl” kind of life, and now all I care about is living authentically and crashing down all the walls of falsehood that exist within me and around me.  I know I won’t physically crash things down, but I think that me and my newfound power and strength will become good friends and that I will have much renewed energy in the coming days, weeks and months as this change settles within me.  I am very excited to see what happens in my life as I meet each new day and each breath with a more integrated and united me.

May we all be blessed with the clarity to see where we have been unknowingly limiting ourselves and with the courage to break down those walls!

 

 

 

Learning to Life Powerfully

For the last six months, a deeper me has been emerging and I have been witnessing a form of my own death.  I feel like I have been swinging back and forth between this hugely powerful me and this little and small version of myself that is now ready to dissolve and make room for the bigger me.

A lot of my writing lately has been about this swing and this emergence and dissolving and it has been deeply healing for me.  I have been putting so much effort into loving the dissolving parts of me and that has been wonderful and amazing, but lately I have been feeling like I needed to take a different course of action, although I wasn’t sure what it was.

This evening, while I was driving to the grocery store, I felt all of the old emotions coming up, like they were dissolving and healing, and then I felt a greater and deeper part of me say, okay, enough, it’s time to focus on the one who is emerging, and not the one who is dissolving.  And that voice within me told me to start writing blog posts about learning to live from this new power that is emerging within me, instead of what is leaving and dissolving.  It’s almost as if the old that is dissolving is already on it’s way out and it knows it is honoured and loved, or else it wouldn’t be leaving!   Neat, eh?

I sometimes feel shy about allowing the emerging one within me to be fully present in my everyday life and now that I’ve made this choice to focus on it, I’m both nervous and excited because I have a feeling that it will take me under its wing and teach me to shine, lead and roar, more than ever before.

I want to give myself permission to:

  • be a motivator, both for myself and for others
  • speak the truth that my being wants to speak, without always trying to fit in or please others.
  • rally people and bring them together in peace and unity and excitement because it is fun to be alive!
  • dance and sing wherever I go and not be scared of the judgement of others.
  • be the full me that I came here to be, without being shy or wondering if it’s okay to be my full and true self.
  • host workshops for learning how to come home to your heart that would include journalling, chanting and dancing.
  • write more and more and more.
  • know that I am worth it, that I matter and that I am very, very capable.
  • love my self so much and to let that radiate out to others.

I know that I am an empathic person who feels very much and that I don’t always need to focus on every little thing that I feel, but that I can focus on this new power emerging within me and let it do the work of living a life!  It’s funny, because this writing feels so freeing, yet so new; it’s really reinforcing that it’s time for me to focus on the power because I’m not as comfortable with that yet, because I have spent so much time comforting my scared little self.

May we all blossom and emerge in our own time and in our own unique way and may we all complement each other’s openings.  May we all be blessed with the courage to be our amazingly powerful selves!

Loneliness: a poem and reflection

What is loneliness but a word?  A word we give so much of ourselves to….

What if we are really only lonely for ourselves?

What is important to you?  What makes you feel happy, uncomfortable, angry and sad?

By asking ourselves these questions and any number of deep questions, we get to know ourselves and we stop looking for answers in society, in a role we have or play, in a job, an income, from our conditioning, from others, from our so-called social status or even our Facebook status.

Is it possible to get our own attention?  Is it possible that everything other than our deepest selves are distracting us, almost like a gift, so that we can learn to go to our own “store” within, to explore, look for “deals” and find out our real status?

That is the gift in all of the busyness of our North American society and what it values; the distractions can be so numerous that we can have no choice but to find shelter within, only to discover a whole world of magnificence that has been quietly waiting for us.  It’s called You, it’s called Me, it’s called Us.

If we are with ourselves and we spend time tending the gardens of our own hearts, bodies, minds and spirits then what is loneliness but a word…because ultimately wherever we each go, we are there.  Maybe, individually and collectively, we can learn for each of us to be all we each need…to be enough…to be the answer and companion we have been seeking all along.

May all loneliness be lifted up to Heaven to be healed, resolved and transformed, lovingly and gently, for the well-being of all hearts.

 

Teach Me

I wrote this poem over a year ago now.  It was when I was at the cusp of learning that I wasn’t in charge of my life, that I could turn it over to something different, to God, to the Universe, to the Creator.  I wasn’t sure how to turn my life over, so I wrote this and I liked it.  It helped me to know that I could metaphorically move over, even though I didn’t quite know how, and allow a greater part of me to steer the ship.

Teach Me

Teach me dear Lord how to share my gifts with the world.

Teach me to walk in the light of divinity’s grace so that others walking near me and around me may find the path to the love that they are.

Teach me to spread breadcrumbs and pebbles of light that will shine with your grace so that others may see the shimmer and find it reflecting out of their hearts and their eyes.

Teach me because I don’t know how and I long to share my gifts.

Teach me.

My heart hears your song in the wind.

My hands long to hold the hands of those lost in the darkness;

to whisper to them to follow the path to the light and

to remind them of their own grace,

your grace.

Teach me to love my own heart so that the love overflows and ripples out to all hearts.

Teach me to be kind to myself so that I have more to give others.

Teach me to surrender and bow to the divinity that courses through me.

Teach me to dance in the full spectrum of light that I am.

Teach me to sing to the oceans with my voice and to drum my praise and gratitude.

Teach me to lead when I don’t know the way.

Teach me to relax and have faith in your everlasting presence and love.

Teach me to be a master so that I may dance, sing, love and embrace all that is.

Teach me to become fully integrated, so that I may welcome home all the lost, banished and shamed parts of myself.

Teach me.

May the waters of heaven wash through me and cleanse my body, spirit, mind and soul.

May the waters of heaven wash through the hearts of all.

May we all sing our songs

once again.

Become the Ocean

The two sides of me met today.

 

The part of me that feels connected to the divine has been growing stronger and

she nurtured the one who has been trying to stay afloat in the ocean of human suffering.

 

She whispered to the one who has been struggling to float

And she said,

 

“Become the ocean.

You don’t need to try to float anymore.

You don’t need to fight anymore.

You don’t need to struggle anymore.

Become the ocean.

Merge with the ocean.

Stop fighting and give yourself to the ocean;

for when you are the ocean

you don’t have to do anything;

you just are the ocean

and you can just observe everything that happens in the ocean,

without getting lost in the waves and storms.”

 

“Become the ocean,” she said.

 

I watched the one who struggles

and she stopped flailing around

and she started to relax.

After a few minutes

she wasn’t there any more,

for she had merged with the ocean.

The one who struggles became the one

who observes life and all of its waves,

as opposed to the one who fears the waves and tries

to get away from them.

 

For now I will rest and

be grateful to the wholeness within me

for bringing the one who struggles to the surface,

to become the ocean;

a symbol of the wholeness of the universe,

of the waters of heaven that pour into all hearts,

regardless of when we are ready to become the ocean, the universe,

the purity, the divine.

 

May we all rest easy in knowing that the waters will call for us to join them

when we are ready to stop the fight,

the struggle to stay afloat.

 

Peace be with you and with me, as we allow the shift in our experience

from the floater

to the all:

the ocean.

My thoughts about this poem: This was literally my experience yesterday and it blew me away.  I was dizzy so I lay down and then I started crying and I felt the right side of me awaken and talk to the left side of me, who was drowning.  The words I wrote above were what I heard within me.  I was repeating, “become the ocean,” out loud to myself for a short while too.  I am feeling very blessed to be going through this awakening and it is my wish and intention that by sharing this with you, that you will know that you are not alone, that there are gifts in all of your suffering and that the answers truly do come at the right time. I have wished for my life to be easier many times, but now that I am here, I would not have traded one bit of suffering, because it is exceptionally sweet and beyond description to be learning to pull myself up out of suffering and give myself a hug.  May your inner truth shine so brightly so that it may speak softly to you, just as mine is starting to do more and more.