Energy and Harry Potter

Since I’ve started learning more about energy and actually understanding it, it seems as though there were always so many references to energy in my daily life that I completely missed.  I remember reading the Celestine Prophecy about 7 years ago and I was mesmerized by it, but I wasn’t yet at a point where I could live it and understand it.  I’m grateful to be at a point where energy makes sense to me now!  I will share some more below.

I’ve written in this blog about how the movie The Matrix has many parallels to my life and how the energy work I’ve been doing makes me feel like Neo from the movie!  I’ve always felt like a victim to all the circumstances in my life, I would see the hurt coming at me and I would take it all in and I would suffer.  I am laughing while writing this, it seems so dramatic, but it’s honestly true.  I now see those some bullets and hurts coming towards me, and it really is like The Matrix where Neo dodges the bullets, I see it coming, I bat it out of the way or I shift my body and it goes right past. I’ve cleared out so many emotions, memories and stuck energy that those “bullets” coming at me don’t seem to have the same magnetic charge.

I also sometimes feel like I was given the choice a year and a half ago to take a red or blue pill like in the movie The Matrix.  It was like life said to me, “you are suffering, you are unwell, your health and your life are at their lowest points (I was at the bottom of the pit so to speak), and you have a choice. You can continue in unconsciousness and take the red pill, or you can choose to awaken, you can choose a conscious life, and you can take the blue pill and learn the truth of all that is.”  I chose that blue pill and I haven’t looked back since.  I’ve been learning more about consciousness (awareness), about energy, about God, about life, about my heart, about love and it’s been super eye opening, beautiful and wonderful and challenging.  I’ll never go back to the way I was, I simply am no longer that person, I will never be that way again, I am opening my heart, I am letting the love in and I am letting it shine out and I will continue to learn the truth of all that is until I am fully living from as the light and am having an eternal blast!

So now to a little energy lesson.  We are all made up of energy, we all feel energy, whether we know it or not.  We’ve all felt heavy after interacting with someone who complains or who dumps all their life’s garbage on us.  We’ve all adopted other people’s mannerisms and just laughed it off (myself included).  We’ve all lived in a movie or in the book we’re reading and we’ve gotten a little off track in our own lives because we’re partially still in the movie or book.  I have cried reading Winnie the Pooh to our daughter because Christopher Robbin has grown up and he knows he won’t come back as often to his beloved toys.  I jumped right into that story and lived as Christopher Robin and I felt the remorse and the confusion that the author put into that story from his own life, likely from watching his son growing up.  It was intense. I ended up thinking it was my own story I was mourning, about how I grew up and watched everyone becoming more distant with each other, becoming more mean, more competitive, but really I was living as Christopher Robin, no doubt to me.

Here is another example.  I was recently talking on the phone with someone who was going through a hard time.  Within minutes of hanging up, I was lost, confused, anxious.  I didn’t quite realize what was going on, I was rude to my husband, I felt like running away, hiding and throwing things all at once.  I felt like I was off balance and wrong, but it didn’t quite clue into me what had happened.  I excused myself and went and breathed and connected to myself more deeply and I felt better, but it only lasted for a few minutes.  I was overtaken with desperate thoughts like, “leave me alone, I can’t do this any more, I’m so responsible for you, I can’t take it, I want to crawl into a hole and hide.”  I had just had an energy healing session and had released some similar emotions, so I thought it was just more releasing, so I breathed and tried to let it release.  The short version of this is that I struggled for about an hour, wanting to hide from my family, wanting to run away, before I lay down again and said to myself, “what is this, can someone help me out please?”  I got a picture in my mind of the person with whom I had chatted and I laughed.  “Ohhhhhh” I said to myself!  I commanded their energy to leave my body and I broke energy with them.

We are kind of like magnets with our energy, we attract what we carry in our own bodies, so because it was releasing from me (and there is likely more deeper down), I grabbed onto the other person’s energy (or it grabbed me) and it held fast.  I broke the connection between the magnets, that strong pull and I relaxed and felt like me again.  I learned all of this from the coach our family sees and the tools she has taught us are invaluable and amazing.  I was hijacked, gone, lost, and taken over by this energy and then, when I got the clarity about what had happened, I was able to break free and be me again.  We’ve all felt hijacked, and the truth is, it happens to us all the time, and then we get headaches, leaky noses, or we vomit or have diarrhea as our bodies try to clear it out.  That is what happens when our bodies are left to clear it out, but if we can be conscious of what is going on and assist the body to clear it out by breaking energy, drinking lots of water and being aware of how we are feeling inside, it helps!!

Breaking energy is described in William Linville’s (www.williamlinville.com) book, “Living in a body on a planet,” on page 25,

“Begin by sliding your hands across each other in front of your heart, then pushing your right hand out while bringing your left palm to rest against your heart level.  Focus on your heart chakra. You are breaking energy with the whole world as you’ve known it….This is bringing your consciousness right back through your body…Now bring your attention to a part of your body.  Whether your attention is on a hand, on the neck, even on a toe, it matters not.  Bringing attention to that body part allows you to feel your own presence and welcome it to come forward again.”

From: http://www.cornellenergyclub.com/

I am so happy to have breaking energy as a tool.  It has helped me so much!  It helped me come back to me today when I was completely gone, hijacked and taken prisoner (it felt like that, it seems extreme, but it was such a relief to be back to me!).  I thought of Harry Potter after I recovered and felt like myself again.  For those of you familiar with Harry Potter, I felt like Harry does when he is in front of the Dementors and they start trying to suck his soul out of his body.  He has to try to conjure up a Patronus to ward off the evil, but he’s being sucked away, bit by bit and it takes every bit of his strength and awareness to break free.  Once he is free, he is left tired and feeling drained, which is how I felt today.  I laughed to myself this afternoon after I had had a healthy helping of chocolate, because chocolate is the exact remedy from Harry Potter after he has fought off a Dementor attack. In the third book, Harry gets to/has to eat a lot of chocolate to get his strength back as he learns to ward off Dementors.   I have no idea if I ate a good amount of chocolate because innately I felt like my body needed it, or if the memory of that part of the book was hiding somewhere inside and was telling me to eat chocolate. Either way, I ate the chocolate, I felt better, I went outside and went to the park and felt the wind, I hugged a tree and just got my roots back into the ground.

That’s my story!  I hope you find it interesting!  I wonder if you’ll consider the new tool as a way to feel more comfortable in your body, because really that is what it is meant to do. I wonder if chocolate really is a delectable treat that does more for us than we’ll ever know, maybe J.K. Rowling knew as much!

With love,

Bradlee

2baware: A brilliant opportunity

Hello all!!!

I was recently fortunate to have completed an online self-awareness workshop called 2baware (www.2baware.net).  I wrote about how impressed I was with that workshop and how useful it was in a post a few weeks ago: https://livingmytruelife.com/2012/08/12/this-little-light-of-mine-im-learning-how-to-let-it-shine/

I have completed the workshop and I continue to use the tools I learned from within it.  I remember that when I am blaming someone for a circumstance, that I can look inside to see what is really going on, to find out what about the situation is making me uncomfortable, instead of making others responsible for how I feel.  I am really enjoying doing this, I find it empowering and it makes me feel nicer inside because I’m not outwardly blaming as much as I used to.

I also learned about how to stop and look at a situation objectively and subjectively, and to analyze it that way.  I find it pulls the plug on the heightened emotions, because when a situation is looked at objectively, it is never as intense as it seems when we are locked in the emotion.

The creator of this brilliant workshop, Ido Lanuel (www.idolanuel.com) is a fellow WordPress user and his personal story is awesome (like his blog and workshop)!  I suggest you check them out!  If you are interested in the workshop, you may try it for free with the following password: bradleez.  I was given 20 free workshop entrances to share with friends, family and fellow bloggers!  If this calls to you, if you want to be more self-aware and be equipped with brilliant tools and have fun while learning them, give the workshop a try!  You are totally worth the investment of time!!!

Enjoy!!!

Learning to love myself

I remember being young and not believing that anyone loved me.  I remember feeling so confused when someone would outwardly show me that they loved me, I wondered if I deserved it and I wasn’t sure how to accept it.  I constantly hated myself, judged myself and was hard on myself.

I remember that as I grew up a bit, and became a young woman, that I started to let others love me a bit and it always made me so sad, to actually feel the love from the other.  I think that I was always waiting for it to leave again, for that beautiful feeling to go and for me to feel alone all over again.

I remember my brother coming home one day for his birthday and he just sat in the front entrance of the house and didn’t come in.  I remember thinking, wow, he doesn’t even want to come in, I wonder what is going on and feeling sad (now I’m thinking I was just feeling him).  Somehow, he got into a big argument with my parents and he left before really coming fully into the house.  I was upset and I wanted to let him know that I loved him and I had never done that verbally before.  I ran to the phone and called his cell phone and asked him why he had left and he was just paralyzed on the other end, I could feel it.  I stopped talking but just kind of held him and then I told him I loved him and that I always would.  I remember him saying, “what, you love me?” and then I saw myself in him, that shock, that disbelief, so I told him again.  I think I was comforting him and trying to love both of us that day, finally.

So flash forward to me being 32, having spent the last year and a half reclaiming my life  from the inside, step by step, and to how good I feel now.  How I know that I am love (well most days, tee hee), and that the only love I need is really the love inside, the love that I am, the love that is God, within me and all around me.  It’s hard to explain, it’s just this feeling that is within me now, almost like my heart has been lit up again, like a lantern and it’s shining, so I can find it again, to know that I am never alone, that I am loved and supported.  It still gets me though, to really feel that love, whether it’s from someone else or from myself to myself.

For example, this morning I was going some yoga from the book Kundalini Yoga by Shakta Kaur Khalsa (the teacher of Radiant Child Yoga whom I trained with in July), and I was doing the Movement Relaxation part.  You put on some beautiful music and dance around gently, release tension from your body and sway to the music.  The next part is to touch every part of your body gently, “begin to lightly feel each part of the body without reservation….Bless yourself with your touch (page 77).”  I started gently touching my face and I started crying so much.  I was blessing myself, I was taking time out of my day to bless myself and love myself.  I was crying from missing myself possibly, from actually feeling that I love myself and care about myself and just plain releasing emotions.  It was really awesome, it felt so good, to be so gentle and caring with my body, to appreciate it, to know that I was giving myself some love, to know deeper down that I deserve it and that it is so important to do.  I think it still surprises me sometimes, like wow, is this really what I deserve, is this really what life can be like, can I actually take time to love myself.  Either way, I really liked it and it was beautiful for me.

May we all continue our journey of life and find that day, that moment, when we remember that we deserve love and that we can each love ourselves and others.

A visit from Green Tara

My daughter and I went to a Buddhist meditation centre in Ottawa two weekends ago for a kids class called Dharma for Kids (http://www.meditateinottawa.org/).  Our family is on this path of opening and healing and living our true lives and I thought it might be interesting and possibly useful for us (thanks to my friend Tonya for mentioning it to me).

The class was comfortable and not overpacked with material, it was nice.  We learned that there are many different buddhas and that they each have a different purpose.  We were taught about Green Tara, and how she is the buddha who is ready to come to protect and comfort those who call for her assistance.  Our teacher, Ananda Kelly, was explaining that as long as you believe in her, she will come to you.  (This image is from: http://www.fpmt-osel.org/gallery/tara.htm).  You can see in the picture that Green Tara’s right foot is uncrossed, it is because she is always ready to come and assist.  You can also distinguish Green Tara because there is always an element about her that is green.

I was super intrigued.  Ananda taught us a chant we can use to call for Green Tara and she taught us how to chant it. The words are, “Oṃ Tāre Tuttāre Ture Soha.”  It is so beautiful and so powerful.  Zara and I really enjoyed chanting it during the class and we have done it since that time.  I have found versions on the internet from searches but none are the same as the way I now have it in my heart from Ananda’s teachings.  If this is of interest to you, you can certainly search around and you will know when you have found the version that is right for you.  I feel like I’ve just learned something new and I’m super at the beginning of understanding it.  I feel called to learn more about her and possibly others, so I will share as I discover:)

The other day, Zara and I were at the beach and she was quite upset after leaving the water, her skin was irritated from the sand and she really just needed some comfort because she was off in some way.  I asked her if we could chant to Green Tara, if that would be comforting, since I know she really enjoys the chant and so do I.  So we tried it and she calmed instantly and it felt really good for me as well, very peaceful, very smooth.  I helped Zara to get all the sand off and then we went to put her dress on and she said, “Mommy stop, look at that.”  I stopped and looked down and there was a green beetle on Zara’s towel.  I said, “Wow, is that Green Tara, wow Zara that is awesome!”  She picked it up and Zara agreed that it was Green Tara and she held her and looked at her for a minute.  I felt blessed, supported and so awestruck all at once.  I realized that I was never really alone, if things were hard, I have other resources other than connecting to my heart to feel the love and to feel strong again, there is outside support that is ready for me.  I now feel that the combination of the two is even stronger for me, and it’s really exciting.  It’s pretty exciting that now I can chant, which calms me and then have the support of a being who I really don’t understand yet, but who is willing to come because I put it out there from my heart and I believed in the possibility of her.

Ear piercing with a three year old

Our daughter Zara first told me she wanted her ears pierced the week before she turned 3.  I wanted to oblige, but part of me was worrying that it would hurt, that she would tug on them, be uncomfortable, or be super upset.  I remember when she asked me this past February and all of that flashed through my mind, and then I said that there wasn’t much time to get it done before her birthday in a few days.  I see now that I don’t think I was ready!!  Tee hee!   I am so grateful that I’m really starting to see when I put all of my life experiences on Zara, when they really don’t apply at all.

A few weeks ago, she said, “I want to get my ears pierced.”  I had somewhat forgotten about it and I said, “okay, do you want to go today?” and she jumped off the couch and was ready to go.  I had stopped in at the mall a few weeks before and had talked to them about the process, so I explained it to her, I said, “they’ll put a device next to your ears, you will hear a loud clicking sound next to your ears, and you might feel some pain, and then you’ll have earrings.”  I asked her if she would be okay with that and she said she was ready to go.  So I suggested that she tell her body that she wanted earrings and that it was going to be okay and that it might hurt but that it could just heal quickly. I figured that if she communicated her intent to her body, it might not be as much of a shock to the body.  So out loud she said, “okay body, I want earrings, so I’m going to get them, it might hurt but you can just heal.”  My heart was really happy, I was thinking that was really going to help…I remember my terror even at 15 or 16 at getting my ears pierced, I remember how it hurt for days, but then I didn’t know that I could work with my body, I didn’t realize that the terror I was feeling would prevent my body from doing what it sooo knows how to do, regenerate and heal.

So back to Zara’s story. I explained that there were two stores at the mall and that she could choose. I told her the names and she chose one based on the name.  I told her we could see both stores when we got to the mall so she could get a sense of the energy of the stores first since she feels energy so much.  She still chose Ardene so we went in.  The music was blaring and to me it felt kind of frenetic in there. I saw her get caught in it, just like I did, so I told her to take her power back from the store and know that this is where she wants to be.  I saw her adjust a bit and settle in.  I learned that trick from Jean Brazeau, our family’s healer/coach guide.  It worked like a charm.  I made sure we found out the person’s name who was going to be piercing Zara’s ears and we talked with her a bit to get more comfortable. She was awesome, she was explaining everything to Zara, and Zara got a chance to pick the earrings she wanted.  She was getting ready to do it when one of her colleagues came over so they could both do it at the same time so that Zara didn’t have to have one ear done and then the other.  The second girl seemed really nervous and pent up, so I tried to send love her way to help her settle so she wouldn’t necessarily send any of that energy over Zara’s way.  They got ready and they went for it.  I could see the look of shock come over Zara’s face, there really isn’t any way to prepare for that I don’t think!  She seemed okay with it, but one of the backs of the earrings didn’t go on properly and the girl was panicking about it.  I looked at Zara and I said, “it hurts, eh?” and she nodded, and I told her it was okay, her body was going to heal and that if she wanted to cry she could.  She didn’t quite yet, because the girl was still fumbling a bit to get the back of the earring on.  I reassured her and we looked at it together and it was on, but not a ton and I told her it was just fine that it would hold and that she could relax, it was okay!  It was funny, she seemed more upset than Zara, she was just trying to make it a good experience for her, it was really sweet.  So then Zara’s eyes filled up with tears, so I scooped her up and I said, “it’s okay, cry if you want, does it hurt more than you expected?” and she nodded and cried.  Everyone in the store was looking so I told her, “see, they all know what it feels like, they remember the shock and they’re sending you some love,” and I think it helped.  So we went out of the store while her dad Robbin paid and I congratulated her because she had done it, she made a decision and she went for it.  She calmed down some and then asked me to put her down and we ran to find a mirror so she could peek.  Once she saw them, she was totally fine, she was running around the mall screaming with delight about her new earrings.  I saw there and then that preparation is helpful and so is the attitude towards the body and it’s abilities.  Zara never once complained about her ears, we never put any alcohol on them and they’ve been fine ever since.  And she’s seemingly much more empowered about her ability to handle painful situations and recover from them, that it’s okay to cry and then move on.  She doesn’t play the victim role like I did when I was little (and did up to a year or so ago!!), so she didn’t need to really experience the pain to get attention or anything.  It’s brilliant, she’s brilliant.  She shows me what’s possible every day!

So I say, let’s empower our kids, let’s explain things to them, let’s give them some options, let’s teach them, let’s guide them and let’s let them flourish and grow and discover their power as they grow and go out in the world.

before ear piercing!
After ear piercing! And she is wearing my new bathing suit top, which was almost as exciting as the ear piercing!

Let’s eat treats!!

The easier version of sheep cupcakes than the original martha stewart one we copied!

Let us eat treats, I say!!

It was Zara’s 3rd birthday last week and we made sheep cupcakes!  The year before, when Zara turned 2, we were on such a restricted diet (GAPS diet, for those familiar with it and food issues) and I had to make her a cake made with sunflower seeds and honey and eggs.  This year, we went all out since we are free of food issues (please see My Healings, My food healing if you want the details!)!  We followed the recipe in the cupcake cookbook I have from Martha Stewart, but since we don’t have an icing piper thing, we did it our own way, with a tooth pick, tee hee!  Since Loblaws didn’t have white marshmallows, we used the rainbow ones!

All of that aside, it was such a joy for me to say to Zara, “what kind of treat do you want to eat for your birthday?” and I handed her the cupcake book and she could choose whatever she wanted.  It was my pleasure to make it.  And it was our pleasure to eat them, enjoy them, savour them and relish in the fact that we live in a house where food is enjoyed, it is not consumed with guilt, with anger, with shoving down emotions as a purpose, we don’t eat with shame, we eat with love in our hearts.  Was it like that for me a year ago?  No.  Is it now, YESSSSSS!!  I had no idea how much guilt and crap there is in our world about eating desserts and I had no idea how much hate I had in my heart for myself and my body and how it affected my relationship with food.

Now, I say again, let’s eat treats!  Let’s look at how we feel, what we think when we eat desserts.  What comes up?  Is it okay for you to eat lots of cupcakes, or does the guilt creep in? Do you do the math about calories and calculate how much gym time you should spend after eating dessert?  Do you know that your body can take in what it needs and let the rest pass through, really and truly?  Do you really know it, feel it in your bones?  If not, it’s okay, it’s all possible.  I just wrote about that the other day in my blog post about Things I’ve Learned, check it out, there is so much we need to know about our bodies, about it’s innate ability to heal, to take it in, pass through the rest, so much.  I’m only know learning it and it’s such a gift.

So let’s eat the treats, from a clear place, from a place of enjoyment, of celebration, because we can, we can throw away the rules, the societal expectations of guilt and calorie counting, let’s just eat and be merry.  Have your piece of chocolate cake, and then go about your day.  And don’t go hiding the desserts or the chips so you can’t see them because you can’t control yourself.  Who said you can’t listen to your body, who said you are a depraved fiend who can’t stop eating?  Eat the cake, listen to your body, put it back on the shelf or in the fridge when you feel like you’ve had enough.

I’ll leave you with this amazingly hilarious video of a pig who just wants a cookie, but someone put them up on the fridge where he can’t reach them and he tries a zillion ways to get them. Let’s laugh at this and also see it’s truth, the truth of the “I don’t deserve this cookie, it’ll make me fat, etc, etc” that underlies most people’s dessert eating.  http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=FrTbnczYAd4&feature=player_embedded

Eat treats and be merry.  I know that I finally can and do.

Why let the emotions do you in?

I like that question.  I also like the idea that I am trying not to give up my power and my life to the emotions I experience. This kind of feels like a monumental task, but I’m taking it a day at a time, actually, I’m taking it situation by situation and that’s really all I can do.

Tee hee, this was me before I realized how I let the stress take over (from baloocartoons.com)

This afternoon, I went to Costco with our nearly 3 year old daughter.  Everything went smoothly, we didn’t buy the whole store, we stuck to what was on the list, except for the monster box of granola bars.  I have a new recipe for granola bars that is so ridiculously good (thanks Lisa!!!) but I still bought a box. So there you go, I bought them.  It’s the Costco consciousness, “look at this big box, I must need it, they’re tasty, they’re mostly healthy, never mind that I can make equally good, if not better ones at home, I must buy these.”  I figure that coming out of there with only one superfluous purchase is pretty good.

That ramble aside, here’s where the emotions came in.  We were waiting while they scanned all of our items.  Zara was in the cart and it was close to the time for me to pay.  So I said to her, “okay I’m going right over here to pay with my debit card.”  I started to swipe it and she said, “Mommy, get me out of here.”  I said, “You can just turn the other way and you’ll be able to see me,” as I was thinking that was what she needed.  Then I swiped and the card didn’t read, and then I looked up and she was trying to get out of the cart, the guy was trying to help her, and then I tried to swipe again, starting to freak out, like, “holy moly, what do I do, do I get her out, do I swipe again, is the card going to work, like there are people waiting in line, is Zara going to fall out?”  Honestly, that’s what was going on.  So I breathed, went over to Zara, helped her out of the cart, like I will do from now on, like if she needs out and there are people waiting, it will be okay if they wait an extra 20 seconds, it’s okay.  That’s how I recovered.  Why would I favor a line of people at Costco over my daughter?  Why did I create all of that stress? Did anyone say anything to me, like, “hurry up?”  No!!  But the emotions of panic and must hurry and must run around without my head, all came up.  Luckily it only lasted about 10 seconds, although it felt longer, and then I recovered, I breathed, I got Zara out, the guy ended up swiping my card and getting it to work and then I paid and breathed and started walking out.  I actually said to the cashier, “I started getting all nervous,  and it was me who created the stress, I’m working on it, and I’m not going to create stress like this anymore.”  He smiled at me and was like, “Ya, why worry.”  It was awesome, he had a Caribbean accent, I think he is totally carefree, he seemed like it, aren’t Caribbean islands like that?  We can all do with that a bit.

Then, I pulled over the cart and explained to Zara what had happened, how I had given up my power to the emotions, and that I was able to get it back and how it’s super important to be grounded and to remember to breathe so you can recognize it. I think she kind of got it, tee hee, who knows.  What’s important is that she see me breathe, reconnect with myself and take back my power from the phantom stress that I created.

That’s my daily challenge to myself, can I see the emotions for what they are, merely emotions?  They aren’t me. They never were.  And now, I’m going to make sure I do my best to stay on top of them, laugh when I don’t and continue the challenge, to be true to me instead of to my thoughts and emotions, which are never a true reflection of me and the love that I am inside.  If you’re reading this, think about one thought you had today, one thought that side-tracked you, that took over, and then laugh and know that it isn’t you, it never was.  You are great, you aren’t fat or stupid or ugly or alone or old or unimportant, you are perfect just the way you are.  Take back your power with me, it is the journey and challenge of a lifetime and it is so worthwhile.  No one can do it for you, trust me, I waited 31 years for someone to do it for me and now I’m going it for me and it feels pretty damn good.  Please share your story if you are so called!