Blessings – A Turning Point

How could I not have known how worthy I am of receiving?

How could I not have seen my true light and value?

How could I have spent the last 36 years without constantly honouring and bowing before the divinity that moves through me, that I am?

 

May I remember to bless myself, to love myself, to nurture myself and to honour myself.

May I eat food consciously and with gratitude.

May I stretch my beautiful body and feel the strength and grace in my muscles.

May I thank my mind for all the beautiful thinking it does for me.

May I appreciate my joints for bending and staying healthy and lubricated.

May I honour the tremendous amount of work that my organs, skin and bodily systems complete, without ever taking a break.

May I look at myself in the mirror and know that my body temple is magnificent and that it houses my bright and shiny soul who wants to come out to play and to love and to dance with all of creation.

May I remember to thank my heart, for beating and for leading me into this new territory of being open and vulnerable.

May I celebrate the fierce passion arising within me, the one that makes me feel like I have the power to ignite that same fire within the bellies and hearts of all.

May I honour myself so much that I never once question whether I should be authentic or not.

May my heart be light and may I nourish myself with love, healthy food, prayer, chanting, nature, dance and wonderful company as never before.

May every choice I make and every breath I take be rooted in love and gratitude and reverence for the being that I am.

May I always remember that I am worth it and that it is never a sacrifice to stop and take better care of all of my precious self.

Namaste and Wohoo, all at once : )

 

Note from me: I listened to the Guided Meditation for Conscious Eating from Ramdesh Kaur’s meditation CD called the Body Temple. It opened me up to all the ways that I could and wanted to honour myself more deeply.  It was a deeply transformational experience that led me to hearing the words above in my head.

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Observations about consciousness

The other day I looked out the window and I saw a group of birds all flying together.  They were graceful, they were beautiful and they were free!   They were silent, they weren’t bumping into each other and they flew together seemingly without any effort.  I remember reading quite a few years ago that scientists have been trying to understand how fish swim in schools and how there are swarms of insects that swirl and dance together.  They were hoping to learn about how they do that so that humans could benefit.  I remember thinking that it would be cool to understand that.

from tangledinkudzu.com
from tangledinkudzu.com

As I looked out of my window the other day, I finally understood it.  I understood how they fly together, how they swim together, and how they dance and move together with grace and ease without talking.  I am sure there are others who already have this figured out, but it was an exciting moment for me!  What I realized and deeply understood is that we are all the same, we are all one, we are all consciousness (awareness), even rocks, trees, insects, birds, reptiles and other mammals.  We are all the same.  I’ve read it before from Eckhart Tolle in the Power of Now and from his Weekly Present Moment Reminders, such as this one:

“When you are present you can sense the spirit, the one consciousness in every creature and love it as yourself.”

The healer/teacher that I see regularly has also been teaching me that we are all particles of consciousness and that our particles dance all around us and through and with other people, because we truly are one. It seemed absurd at first, but as I continue to grow and my level of consciousness increases, more and more about consciousness and spirituality makes sense, and I’m sure I will continue to understand it at an even deeper level.  I was provided with a few opportunities lately to understand how consciousness works, which is what lead me to finally get it when I saw the birds flying.

Here are some examples:

  • I was in the shower and I suddenly thought, “Oh, I never did order that Arbonne product from my friend Dionne, maybe I should do that.  Hmm, maybe I should host an Arbonne party, ya, maybe I’ll contact her.”  The next day, I get a call from Dionne asking me if I could host an Arbonne party.  
  • I was also in the shower and I thought to myself, “Hmmm, maybe I should buy some Fly Like A Butterfly books from Shakta (who is the founder of Radiant Child Yoga, where I did the first part of my training).  Hmm, I wonder if that would be worth it for me?”  And then I left it at that.  A day later, I got an email from Radiant Child Yoga and they were offering wholesale discounts on their yoga materials to support yoga teachers.
  • I was walking in the woods with my daughter on a chilly day in February.  At one point along our walk, I got apprehensive and I had this huge feeling that we should turn around.  I stopped, asked my daughter if she needed to go home and she didn’t, so I breathed a bit, looked around and felt like I wanted to continue walking. I kept feeling like my husband’s grandmother was worried about us.  I finally decided to go back since we were close to the end of the nature trail and I told my daughter that I was feeling like grandma was worrying about us, and I think I broke energy with grandma.  I can’t quite remember the details.  We got back to grandma’s house and I asked my husband if grandma had been worried and he said that they were chatting about how they had seen coyotes in the woods a few days earlier and our grandparents were very worried about us being out.  I didn’t even have to be in the house or close by to feel those fears instantly!

These recent experiences combined to help me to see just how linked we are as people, just as the birds and fish are!  It gave me hope that humanity will eventually learn to use that connectedness so that we can dance together like the birds in the sky, instead of grinding up against each other spreading fear and negativity.

from Soaring Spirit Dance Studio
from Soaring Spirit Dance Studio

Giving myself permission

My husband Robbin and I were having a chat yesterday about our dreams from the night before:

  • My dream: Robbin and I were together and he was crying, telling me how much he has missed me
  • Robbin’s dream: The three of us were together as a family and I was trailing behind, not really participating because I was tired and I was ready to go.

We just casually shared about the dreams, then I went into the bathroom to put something away or to finish cleaning it and I yelled over to the kitchen, “you know Robbin, I’ve always been tired, my whole life!!  I’ve always been tired!!”

Our dreams were showing us what we were leaving behind.  I have had a huge two weeks in terms of self awareness and growth.  I have finally come to see how tired I have been and how fearful I have been of being tired and how that cycle of tired and fear has been controlling me for as long as I can remember.  I think the cycle all revolved around keeping me small and safe, because for so long as a child, I didn’t feel like the world was a safe place and I believed that I was really alone.

With the guidance of the coach that our family sees, I have been able to see these cycles of protection, control, fear and fatigue and they’ve come to a place where they were so obvious that I couldn’t deny them any longer.  There they were:

  • I was planning my life around being tired
  • I was always in fear of being tired and getting sick or overwhelmed
  • I was always scared of not being safe enough, being too vulnerable and small
  • I was controlling the environment around me (including my family and friends) to make sure that I could stay safe and keep our four year old daughter safe.

I’d rather be honest with myself and really look at what has been going on so that I can be free of it.  I don’t want to live a limited life anymore, nor do I want to limit my husband and daughter any longer.  I’m really done with that, it’s been so sad, so scary, so limiting and so resentment causing.  I’ve been resenting people around me who are more free and more open to new opportunities, when I’ve always felt trapped in a little box with super thick walls that I created with the illusion of protecting me and keeping me safe.

All of this has come into my awareness in the past few weeks because in my last healing session, I had a memory come up for me about playing hide and seek when I was a kid.  It was a blessing really, because Zara had been playing hide and seek with her friends and I felt really nervous but didn’t really understand it until the memory presented at my session the next day.

In the memory, I was trapped in a big linen chest, and I remember feeling so scared, so trapped, so helpless, and I felt really alone.  It was a fantastic memory to get to, because it was keeping me so small, it kept me looking through the eyes of that young girl who was scared and terrified.  I was finally able to see how I had such trouble letting my daughter play alone with other kids, that I needed her to be within eye sight so I could make sure she was safe.

It was also somewhat devastating to realize the truth of what I was doing.  I thought I was being a “good parent” by watching her.  In my experience though, being a parent and parenting cannot be defined, it’s really about responding to each situation from the heart and getting to the core of any issues and removing those limiting blocks/memories/emotions so you and your child(ren) can be free.

Thanks to those realization and the growing awareness of what I was doing and why, I have come so far in the past week!

  • I gave Zara some space to play with her friends and she was so comfortable, happy and free!  I even heard her say, “Please stop doing that to me, I don’t like it,” or something along those lines!  I checked in with her once and twice and she was totally fine and was having a blast!  Imagine that!! 
  • I planned an activity/outing for each day of the week, and felt fine!  I was tired occasionally, but I was able to see that I was still safe, that I was never alone!  I was able to use the many tools I have learned to renew my energy and to reconnect to myself to feel good, instead of being locked in being tired and scared.

As a result of all of this, I feel like there is more of me here this week, more of me here to share in the joys of life, more of me to share with myself, my husband, my daughter and my friends.  I am giving myself permission to live my life!!

I continue to marvel at how limited I was and how much more free I get with each time that I look within with Jean’s help (the healer/coach/guide our family sees)!  It seems to me that giving myself the go-ahead to have a blast and be free and know that I am always safe is what I came to this planet to play with and explore.  I’m so happy to have such beautiful people around me to share myself with and to share in the joys of life.  May the walls keep crumbling and may my bright shiny soul fly as I continue to see just how big and strong my wings really are.  I think they may even have bright sparkly feathers:)

Where I Belong!

The Preamble

I know I structure most of my posts in the same way, and this one is no exception…”here is what I used to do, here is what I have come to see about that, and here is how I have shifted.”  That is the model of my life lately and I hope that it continues that way!  I want to keep seeing that which has kept me from being my true self and I keep getting more and more surprised about how much more there is to me, the real me, than I ever imagined or dared to dream!

The Amble:)

For most of my life, okay, for all of my life except for the past 3 days, I always wanted to belong.  I always looked outside of myself for a place to belong, for someone to accept me, even a stranger.  I have some extreme examples of things I have done in my relatively short life to be accepted and I’m sure that most of us have done some similar, possibly more or less extreme, things!

In order to be accepted, belonged or loved, I have:

  • checked all around while driving to see what speed others have put their windshield wipers and put mine at the same (now I happily put them at whatever speed I happen to think would be beneficial, even if it is faster than others!)
  • considered removing the cellulite from the backs of my legs with a knife (that was a dark moment in high school, fortunately after the thought passed through my awareness, I immediately knew it was wrong)
  • covered up parts of my body that others told me were too big
  • tried to be the best at everything, even becoming way too competitive (and even sometimes mean when I was playing basketball later in high school and in college), and losing myself in the world of school and teachers, to be the best, to get noticed, to have a place, to feel like I belonged somewhere.
  • shaved my legs because everyone else did
  • gotten drunk because everyone else did
  • gossiped, judged and criticized others because everyone else did
  • and the list goes on

In the past few days, I had a conversation with a friend and we were talking about our lives and he was telling me he is working on accepting things that have happened in his life.  I smiled and agreed, because it is wonderful, but I told him that I wondered if you could accept things when there was still so much anger and sadness inside.  We chatted for quite a long time and then I came home.  It was only that night that what he said really hit me and I got it: what if I accepted MYSELF truly, fully and completely?

What if I did that?

Would I still need to belong somewhere outside of myself, would I still care about what others think and try to fix/adjust myself for them?

Would I still long for my parents to love me and see me the way I want them to?

It was a moment of huge realization for me.  I was lying in bed and I put my hands on my heart and I said out loud, “I accept myself,” and I got a huge wave of goosebumps, so I said it again, “I accept myself, I belong right here.”  It was so profound, it felt like the most profound and soul penetrating thing I had ever done.  It was like this huge weight lifted off of me and I accepted myself instead of always looking outside of me for a sense of belonging and acceptance.  I was even able to thank my parents from my heart for the gift they gave me in my life, the way they parented me eventually got me to the realization that I didn’t need them to accept me, but if I could accept myself, all would be well!  It was a brilliant, open and loving moment!

I was so pleased, so happy that I finally was able to get to that point.  I had accepted myself and I felt the shifts happening inside me over the next few days as that wonderfully loving message sunk in to every cell in my body.  I won’t have to look outside of me for someone to agree that I belong here or for them to accept me.  I could love myself first and all would come from there!  I wonder if I’ll start dancing in the streets?  Maybe or maybe not, but now I can sing loudly in my car, even at a red light, and I can teach my children’s classes and know that I am perfect just the way I am, and I can parent more from my heart and be more true to myself than ever before.  How about that, eh?  I’ve always heard that, the answer is in you, the power is in you, it is really awesome to have a chance to experience that from within with the self-love and acceptance I found the other night.

Moving beyond roles and labels

I have been so astounded lately at who I really am!  I’ve also been astounded at who I thought I was before and how I tried sooooo hard to put myself into all these different moulds that I thought society, family, friends, teachers and anyone really, wanted me to be.

I had a profound realization this week that I don’t have to be anything or anyone but me.  I don’t need to have a mould that is pre-formed, what if I was just me, and that I was fluid, graceful, formless, without boundaries?  What would happen if I didn’t need to identify with everything society has dictated that we should care about or be?  What if I were to just stop pretending and allow the grace of my light to shine bright and guide me as my true self, without needing to constrict and contort myself any longer?

What if I discovered that I could be a vegan, vegetarian, carnivore, omnivore, whatever-vore all at the same time?  What if I were just to tune into my body on any given day and ask my body what it needs and eat accordingly?  These past two weeks, I have been eating so many vegetables and that was when it hit me, that I could follow the rhythms of my body and be a vegan for a week and then a vegetarian for two, and then eat meat for a week and allow the body to guide me.  What if I didn’t have to limit myself to a category of eating styles?  I was so excited about that realization!!  For years and years, I felt tormented about food choices!  Could I allow myself to be a chocolate bar lover without shame?  Would it be okay if I didn’t only eat organic food?  What if I ate something processed once and awhile?  Would that make me a bad person?  Now I’m seeing that I am free to make my own choices without having to limit myself to a category.  I’ve used food as the example, but it stretches far beyond food.

What if I could clean the house because I enjoy it, not just because I am the woman of the house?  It’s the same for cooking!  What if I could approach all aspects of my life with the same detachment from needing to categorize my behaviors and the roles I play?

Who I am really underneath all the pretense?  Who are we all?

As the shift happens on our planet, the shift to peace, higher levels of consciousness, and opening to our true power, I think we’ll all start dropping the pretenses and we’ll realize that really, we are all the same, we are all wanting to be free, to have the space to create, to experiment, to follow our hearts, to not conform to programs and hard rules, but to be free to fly, to soar, to be.  I am ready to be me, not the me I always thought I had to be me, but the true me, beyond it all!

From the website link (with a very cool poem along the lines of this post: http://www.backinskinnyjeans.com/2008/07/you-were-born-t.html)
From the website link (with a very cool poem along the lines of this post: http://www.backinskinnyjeans.com/2008/07/you-were-born-t.html)

The traps of parenthood

I’m a relatively new mom all things considered.  My daughter is about to turn 4, but I feel like I’ve learned a life’s worth of lessons with her so far.  Her presence has shown me so many limiting ways of being that I was operating from.  Now that I’ve plunged myself into this journey of self-awareness and awakening to the truth of who I am, I’m seeing more and more how many of those limiting behaviors I still have and I’m seeing more how others are similarly trapped (or more or less so, depending on where they are).

Early on, when Zara was less than 1, I often found myself complaining about her lack of sleep, her lack of doing what I wanted, when I wanted.  It was all around me too, all of us young mothers, complaining to one another, and there were many books out there to support the complaints, such as “how to get your baby to sleep,” “how to whisper to your baby the way this person does,” and the list is endless.  I could have stood at the parenting section for hours and not really known where to start.  It kind of felt like I was being given a chance to start over.  Instead of carrying my life forward from my old ways of being and my old job, where we would work and then complain, work and then complain, I was given the most precious gift of all, a beautiful baby girl with a wise soul, deep eyes and an open heart, who showed me with her presence and her reactions to my behavior and my unconscious energetic rebukes, what I was really doing.  She was giving me a chance to try again, to see if there really was another way to operate, instead of from defense, blame, victimhood and what about me-hood, she was showing me what my actions were doing to her and she was looking at me with those wise eyes, almost as if to say, “I know you can do this, really I do.”

I’ve since come a long way.  In fact, sometimes I’m not even sure I’m the same person who was angry at our little precious one (9 months old is one time I remember) for not going to sleep, and then deciding that if she wasn’t going to go to sleep, then I would turn on the TV and just watch it.  I’ve been learning how to forgive myself lately and whenever those memories of my unconscious behaviors come up and I start to blame myself and feel guilty, I’m learning to be kind to myself and stop, close my eyes and put my hands on my heart and say, “I forgive myself,” out loud.  It feels really good.  I really didn’t know any better, I really was doing the best I could have, and sometimes when I forgive myself audibly like that, I get goose bumps and I know that it’s true, that I’ve really forgiven myself and I’ve chosen self-love over self-beating-up like I used to.

I'm so grateful for Zara and all I've learned from her and the opportunities I've had to go within since she joined us.
I’m so grateful for Zara and all I’ve learned from her and the opportunities I’ve had to go within since she joined us.

I offer some suggestions to those who are/were like me, who are/were trapped in unconscious patterns of relating to the world and to their children, so that they may see that there are options and alternatives instead of just following along.  I offer them from my heart, from my experience, because I think we all want to do the best for our children and we often hate it when we hear those harsh words come out of our mouths or feel ourselves pulling away from our beauties, or even exploding at them.  We’ve all done it and I feel like we can all unite together in this, instead of hiding in shame and learn from one another and most importantly, learn from our children.  We all remember being the child who was yelled at, who was shamed, who was hit or threatened with abuse, we all remember those feelings, let’s assist one another in stopping the unconscious patterns and let’s start honoring ourselves and our children.

Some things that have helped me:

  • Notice how you talk to yourself when you are around your children.  Is there a constant stream of “you little brat, I’m going to make you do this, how could you do this to me, we only have 5 minutes left, what do you mean you have to pee, you just threw your food on the floor, are you (insert swear word here) kidding me?”  From my experience and from reading Eckhart Tolle’s books, all we have to do is notice it to pull out of it.  Sometimes I’ve noticed it so strongly and I have to completely stop what I am doing and lie down and breathe, or I may do something absolutely silly (which was not like me early on) and run around the house 3 times (I learned that from the book “Adventures in Gentle Discipline”) or sing a song.  I do my best not to give up my power to the thoughts in my head, which are not me in the first place.
  • Notice yourself criticizing your children, either directly or behind their backs (especially when they are in hearing range, actually, it’s best to avoid it completely, they’ll sense it anyway).  Children hear and notice everything.  If you are supportive in front of them and then turn around and roll your eyes or slump over in exhaustion so your friends can see (I’ve seen this), they will feel it and notice it.  We are not masters of deception as parents, children are masters of detection, I especially remember this from my childhood.  Ask yourself why you feel like you need to complain about your child, what purpose does it serve?  Does it help people to like you, does it help you to feel like you fit in that way?  I wonder if all parents like to hear others complain about their children and what would happen if one of us parents started saying, “actually it really bothers me to hear you criticize your child, please don’t share those negative comments with me.  I will always support you in finding constructive ways to deal with your situation, but no criticism please.”  I think I may give it a try.  Actually, I’ve already done it and it’s worked!
  • Think about the things you were told as a child: you are fat, you are so useless, you are so stupid, you can’t do anything, you’ve dropped that again, what’s wrong with you, I hate it when you do that to me, etc.  It won’t take long to think about them, because they are stored inside us, in our subconscious minds, like a little program we learned as children, waiting to play over and over again.  Consider what program you want running in your child and speak from there.  For more information about children and their subconscious minds and the beliefs about the self that get stored there, you can check out Bruce Lipton’s, “the Biology of Belief.”  That book was such an intense wake up call for me.  Children even have different types of brain waves until they are 6, and that is so they can soak up as much about the world as possible, including beliefs about the self, and they get those mainly from their parents.  Consider what types of things you say to your child!
  • If your child is always resisting what you are saying, consider why.  From an early age (6 weeks) we followed “diaper free baby”, so that meant we would assist our daughter to pee in a potty, toilet or sink, instead of in her diapers.  It meant that we were in tune with her, noticing her body movements as signals for when she had to go, etc.  It was a really cool process and I’m glad we did it, we didn’t have to wash as many diapers and it meant we didn’t really have to potty train our daughter because she understood what her body needed to do and into where, from a very early age.  I remember putting her on the potty at certain points, maybe when she was 8 months and she would stand up and look at herself in the mirror (I had my hands under her arm pits and the potty was on the counter, so you can picture it!) and she would sing and bounce and marvel at herself.  I felt myself getting so frustrated that she wouldn’t do what I wanted.  I had such strong memories of my father being frustrated at me like that and I could feel the frustration in my entire body.  I tried to “get” her to go, but of course it didn’t work.  None of us like to be forced!!  I read “Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting” and my life and parenting turned right around.  I was mindful and aware of when I was forcing and I was able to pull back and centre myself and sure enough, there was less force, less control and less battles because I had adjusted how I was approaching my parenting.
  • Instead of blame and anger, consider stopping, breathing, getting some fresh air and realizing and knowing that your child is not out to get you, but is there to highlight that which you haven’t wanted to see for a long time:)  Consider thanking your child and moving on from a fresh place.  I’ve had a lot of help in my “moving on” and “letting go” because in my experience of life, it has never been as easy as just saying it and it being done.  I’ve learned about mindful parenting, I’ve learned about gentle discipline, unconditional parenting, making time for myself (still working on that one), allowing myself to say no and meaning it and it being okay, and I’ve also learned about healing and letting go with an energy coach/healer/guide that I see quite regularly, and through techniques my husband has learned on his own path of reclaiming his life (reconnective healing and heartmath, http://www.healandevolve.ca).  I’ve also learned that yoga, nature walks with my family and friends and dancing are very therapeutic and enjoyable for me.

I think there are traps in parenthood and I think they are there for a wonderful reason, just as our children chose us for a wonderful reason, to help us see the truth of who we are and so that we may honor and love them and allow them to flourish and shine the way they intended when they came to this beautiful planet.

These are pictures of me that Zara took.  I was doing "I Am Happy, I Am Good" (please see www.playingfromtheheartkidsconnect.com for info, it's a Radiant Child Yoga song), and she was cracking me up because she was coaching me along to do it with more emphasis and feeling.  It was a riot.  I've come a long, long way.  I'm really proud of me.
These are pictures of me that Zara took. I was doing “I Am Happy, I Am Good” (please see http://www.playingfromtheheartkidsconnect.com for info, it’s a Radiant Child Yoga song), and she was cracking me up because she was coaching me along to do it with more emphasis and feeling. It was a riot. I’ve come a long, long way. I’m really proud of me.

DSC_0141

My daughter will know who I really am

I am fresh from a wonderful healing session where I got down deep into the rejection fears I have had in this life, which have often left me in a serious protection/hiding mode.  I admitted that it is so hard even now to call someone to find out if they want to get together and it was so funny to hear those words coming out of my mouth, words that do not even make any sense any longer with where I have been going, to the light, to the love.  I have found that the more I go inside, to the deeper places that have haunted me so terribly, the more I realize that those fears, emotions and memories were never who I was in the first place.  I’m finding it less scary and intimidating to face what I have previously repressed and shut down, because I know now that they are not real, that they are just there to show me how I covered my true self up, and that I’m still there under them, waiting to come out to shine again.

The healer and guide that I see was encouraging me to put myself in an imaginary coliseum of sorts, where everyone who has ever rejected me can come rushing out at me, ready to hurt me again (the idea behind this is that you totally surrender to the emotion and let it have you so you can be free from it, I’ve done this in other sessions with remarkable success!!).  She was asking me to call out their names as they were coming towards me and it was amazing because she was calling out some names too of people I hadn’t even really considered as rejecting me, but from this fresh perspective, I could see how terrified I had been of what they may have said to me.  It was a wonderful experience, feeling them all come, and knowing deep down now that no matter what happens to me, what any one says to me to try to hurt me, it will truly not affect me.  I felt them rushing at me, but it was like they were melting by the time they got close to me, I was just a bright light that nothing could extinguish.  I said that out loud and she helped me to see that all the work we had done together in that session leading up to that had already dissolved the power that I had given other people, the power to hurt me, so I was free and she had wanted me to feel that with that exercise.  It was truly awe inspiring to be free of that, after so many memories of being terrified of being pushed away, of not being good enough, like there was something so wrong with me that people wouldn’t want me around.

Jean, the guide, was encouraging me to let in the light, to fill in all the places that the rejection had taken up in my body and in my heart, and to shine as me even brighter.  As she was saying that, she stroked my hair at the top of my forehead, so gently, so tenderly, to love me and encourage me.  It was the most tender and beautiful touch I had ever experienced at that moment and it made me so incredibly glad for the journey I have gone on in my life, so that I could step in to myself and be my true self and love my daughter the way I want to, without all the internal suffering going on that was limiting how I could be her parent.  It made me remember all the times I have touched my own daughter like that, and all the yearnings I felt as a child to be held super close and stroked gently.  I know I must have been held that way, but the memories must have been buried under the rejection fears I had.  So, I said to Jean, “I’m so happy that Zara (my daughter) will remember and know what it feels like to be touched this way,” and I was crying as I was saying it and Jean said, “Zara will know who her mother really is.”   I stopped, smiled and knew it as a truth, that Zara will know me not as being the emotions that used to run my life, but she will know me as me, as the love that I am (that we all are at our core, but we all get buried up and covered up by life, unless we are supported in staying as the love and learning how to be in the world without becoming the world).  That is what I appreciate and value the most about Jean’s teachings, it’s not that we are all different, it’s not that we are the emotions and life situations and roles and beliefs and thoughts that we think we are, it’s really that we are all the same, we are all love, and we all have the abilities to shine and to genuinely love ourselves, know ourselves and honor ourselves, and from there, life becomes more fun, easier and so much more free, caring and loving.

Here is what I’ve learned about who I am and what my daughter has seen me move through in the past 20 months of healing sessions:

  • I am the light.  Any thought, emotion, memory I have that is not loving or kind, is not who I am
  • I can help my body heal and regenerate physically as I let go of the stuff hidden inside (I have gone through some remarkable physical changes, that is for another post:)
  • There is an incredible and beautiful essence in my body and it lights up my body, it is my soul, my light, my love and that is my truth, it is me and I can feel it coursing through my body and I can use that feeling to connect with myself any time I feel lost in thoughts, in emotions or lost and scattered out in the world.
  • I can connect to myself and feel my light and amplify it around my body and throughout a room and cause a shift in the energy around me because I’m expanding the love I have inside around me so that I walk in light (and others experience it too) and not have to take on the panic, anger and despair that might be hanging around at the grocery store or otherwise.
  • I am learning that I love working with families to help them connect to themselves through creative movement, yoga, songs, games, crafts, stories and more, and that my heart sings when I am in a room full of children who learn that they can shift the energy in a room just by putting their hands on their hearts and feeling it beating and learning how to connect to themselves!  (www.playingfromtheheartkidsconnect.com is where I describe more about the classes, and the training I’ve had and the tools I use, etc!)
  • I am not alone and I never was (none of us are).  I can ask the universe and angels for help and I will receive it (and she does the same, honestly, to be at this place where I can feel scared and ask an angel to help me and actually feel the difference, the peace in my body, it is such a blessing after feeling for 32 years that I was completely alone in this world and so lost).

I’m sure the list can go on, but it would be more like, here are things I used to think about myself and now I don’t and I think that is a whole other post.  If there was a self defeating thought or belief out there, I definitely had it, held onto it and made it who I was.  I was a victim to everything, it was a role I am very familiar with and may even have won an Oscar for:)

I am so grateful for the opportunity to turn my life around and to live from my heart instead of despair.  May we all get the chance to know ourselves as we really as and watch the magic unfold as we get to experience life, not through the eyes of the hurt, but from the love, and from the possibilities, and may we all remember that we are all the same, beautiful souls on different journeys, giving each other the different experiences we couldn’t experience unless we were here on Earth, ready for the ride.

To see our daughter grow and be free as my husband and I continue the work of going inside and clearing out all that is not us, has been the best gift of all.
To see our daughter grow and be free as my husband and I continue the work of going inside and clearing out all that is not us, has been the best gift of all.