What our experiences can teach us if we are willing to see it

I think we’ve all heard, “it happened for a reason,” about an experience that we are going through or have gone through.  Sometimes that statement can be so obviously true, or super infuriating if the experience is what we may deem as horrible and painful, and it may lead us to wonder what we have done to “deserve it.”

The guide that I’ve been going to see for nearly two years now to clear out all the old energies, karma, emotions and memories, has been repeating several truths to me and I’m starting to get that our experiences can teach us and show us that which we haven’t wanted to see, if we can allow it and be willing to look deeper.

Last week, I got off the bed in our spare room, stepped onto the floor and a sharp, stabbing pain filled my foot!  I screamed out really loudly and I was scared about what could have caused it. I felt the panic rising in my chest and I was nervous.  I gently took my sock off and there was a small piece of wood sticking out of it.  I’ve had splinters before, but this seemed more like  a shard of wood or something and it frightened me even more.  My husband wasn’t home and I realized I was going to have to deal with it myself, which I rarely have done in my life.  My Dad was always my splinter remover and that job just fell to my husband since he was good at it.  I never questioned it, but just said to myself, “ya, I must go to a man to get my splinter removed.”  Ha, I’m laughing as I type this because that thought was so true.

I hopped over to the bathroom to get some tweezers and I was really starting to feel like a victim by the time I got there.  Despite all the tools I have learned for connecting to myself, breathing deeply, acknowledging the fear and feeling it, I was in panic mode and no tool thoughts were able to enter through the panic I was feeling.  I grabbed the tweezers and yanked it out.  It was still really throbbing and painful and I lay on the bed and tried to come deeper into my body and to send some love to where the pain was. It was only after the piece of wood was out that I was able to start using some tools, but the panic had taken over and it was slower going than if I had connected to myself right away.  That’s okay, it was all part of what I was meant to learn and see.

I limped a fair bit on and off for nearly a week, so I figured that there must be another piece of wood in my foot, which kind of kept me in a slight fear mode for that entire week.  Finally, the day came when I walked and the pain was so excruciating that I knew that there must be more wood in there and that my body had been working so hard to push it closer to the surface for me. I had probed around with the tweezers when I initially took it out but I hadn’t been able to see anything.  So, after feeling that pain at the end of the week, I knew that I would have to break through the skin (yikes!) and pull out the beast!

Robbin (my husband) and I were armed with tweezers, nail clippers and needles to try to get it out, and I was squirming and too scared to let Robbin try to take it out.  I tried myself and I felt a lot of “this is so hard, this is going to hurt, I can’t do this,” thoughts and energies moving through my body, so I stopped and breathed and connected to myself.  I thought then that I could let Robbin do it, but it was like I just couldn’t, so I decided to try it myself again.  It got a little easier and less scary, and then I stopped and realized that the reason why this happened to me was so that I could take back my power from splinters and from my body being hurt and hoping/asking that others take care of me.  I mentioned that to Robbin and I felt much lighter inside.  I was able to really dig out the thick skin (yikes, but this time it was much less of a yikes) and then I was able to grab it. I breathed, got the tweezers ready and I pulled it out.  It was sooooo long and thick, it was crazy!  It was an inch long and a millimetre thick at one end and likely a millimetre and a half at the other end.  I exclaimed out loud about it and then I didn’t want to look at it!  Robbin encouraged me to, to look at it, appreciate what my body had gone through, and what a personal victory I had just achieved in its removal.  I looked at it from that perspective and marvelled at it and I felt so free, so happy, so empowered!  It was the biggest splinter I’d ever seen and I was able to see the lesson it had for me and I was able to free myself from the grip of “help me, I don’t know what to do, I can’t do this by myself.”  Hooray!

I took out the garbage that night and it was really cold and refreshing and I got to the end of the driveway and I looked around and then I was overwhelmingly compelled to run up and down the driveway pumping my arms in the air and yelling, “I did it, yes I did it!”  Tee hee, I don’t think anyone saw me, but if they had, they would have joined me I’m sure!

I hope to keep getting the secret messages that my life’s experiences have to share with me!

Taking candy from a stranger!!

The other day, my daugher Zara (just 3!) and I went out for an adventure.  We went to get hair cuts and then we had a couple of errands to do, all within walking distance of each other.

After the adventure of the hair cut for Zara and the pressure from the hair dresser for her to grow her hair long and Zara taking on the pressure and changing her mind and me singing to her, trying to bring her back to her heart, so she could make her own decision, instead of already being influenced by the outside world, and Zara coming back to her happy place, we went to the drug store.  We got what we needed and we were in line.  We were chatting and waiting and then another cash opened.  I didn’t dash over because everyone usually does, but this time, no one did.  So I started to walk over and asked Zara to come with me, and I caught the eyes of an older man who was walking to the same line.  I urged him on, but he smiled at me and he said that Zara and I could go first.  We were waiting and he started talking to Zara about her neato bright yellow sunglasses and she started talking right back to him.  He seemed delighted and it was awesome for her to have someone who was actually engaging her and actually listening instead of just smiling at her and thinking she’s only cute and that’s it.  I always glow inside when I see people talking to children, seeing them and listening to them.  It’s such a gift for children, for all of us really, to be seen, heard and listened to.  So we talked together and then it was our turn to pay.  He was talking to me, telling me how great she is, how well “disciplined she is,” and I remember smiling at him and telling him, “we just love her a lot and try to honor her,” and he smiled back at me and it was so obvious that he was very enamored with Zara.  While I was paying, I caught him reaching to the chocolate section, and he reached over to the cashier and said, “Can you write down the barcode for this, I’d like to give it to Zara, she’s been a pleasure to talk to, she’s such a beautiful girl, I’d like to buy this for her and then I’ll pay for it when you ring up my stuff.”

No joke.  Does this actually happen?  I was floored.  Like, neato!!!  Zara is awesome!  I’m not really one for buying gifts as a form of love or praise, but it was so genuine, so heartfelt, I thought it was just precious.  Zara got a whole Aero bar for herself.  I said thank you and she looked at the chocolate bar with big eyes.  I usually don’t prompt her to say thank you because she often will, but she was so stuck in the chocolate bar, I just whispered to her, “if you appreciate it you could let him know,” and she looked up at him and said thanks.  We said goodbye and then I told her while we were walking out how special she is, and how that just doesn’t happen to people.  Then she wanted to eat it!  Tee hee, so I opened it for her and we walked across the street while she was eating it and we went into the health food store, tee hee again, I felt like an oxymoron walking in there like that, but it was all good.  What a brilliant day!

It wasn’t until I told my mom about it and she was like, “and you let her eat it, it’s candy from a stranger, you’ll have to teach her about that,” that I realized what had happened.  I am so energy sensitive, I feel the smallest tinge of anything and everything and all I felt from that man was love, oh I almost forgot, his name is Mike.  So it didn’t even occur to me to freak out.  It occurred to me to witness the magic that happens when people live from love, live from their hearts.  I will have to keep that lesson in mind though, as it is important, but first, I will teach Zara to trust her instincts, to listen to her heart, to feel with her heart, then I think she’ll always know what to do, with guidance from us of course.

Hooray for love, hooray for chocolate, hooray for living from the heart!

Let’s eat treats!!

The easier version of sheep cupcakes than the original martha stewart one we copied!

Let us eat treats, I say!!

It was Zara’s 3rd birthday last week and we made sheep cupcakes!  The year before, when Zara turned 2, we were on such a restricted diet (GAPS diet, for those familiar with it and food issues) and I had to make her a cake made with sunflower seeds and honey and eggs.  This year, we went all out since we are free of food issues (please see My Healings, My food healing if you want the details!)!  We followed the recipe in the cupcake cookbook I have from Martha Stewart, but since we don’t have an icing piper thing, we did it our own way, with a tooth pick, tee hee!  Since Loblaws didn’t have white marshmallows, we used the rainbow ones!

All of that aside, it was such a joy for me to say to Zara, “what kind of treat do you want to eat for your birthday?” and I handed her the cupcake book and she could choose whatever she wanted.  It was my pleasure to make it.  And it was our pleasure to eat them, enjoy them, savour them and relish in the fact that we live in a house where food is enjoyed, it is not consumed with guilt, with anger, with shoving down emotions as a purpose, we don’t eat with shame, we eat with love in our hearts.  Was it like that for me a year ago?  No.  Is it now, YESSSSSS!!  I had no idea how much guilt and crap there is in our world about eating desserts and I had no idea how much hate I had in my heart for myself and my body and how it affected my relationship with food.

Now, I say again, let’s eat treats!  Let’s look at how we feel, what we think when we eat desserts.  What comes up?  Is it okay for you to eat lots of cupcakes, or does the guilt creep in? Do you do the math about calories and calculate how much gym time you should spend after eating dessert?  Do you know that your body can take in what it needs and let the rest pass through, really and truly?  Do you really know it, feel it in your bones?  If not, it’s okay, it’s all possible.  I just wrote about that the other day in my blog post about Things I’ve Learned, check it out, there is so much we need to know about our bodies, about it’s innate ability to heal, to take it in, pass through the rest, so much.  I’m only know learning it and it’s such a gift.

So let’s eat the treats, from a clear place, from a place of enjoyment, of celebration, because we can, we can throw away the rules, the societal expectations of guilt and calorie counting, let’s just eat and be merry.  Have your piece of chocolate cake, and then go about your day.  And don’t go hiding the desserts or the chips so you can’t see them because you can’t control yourself.  Who said you can’t listen to your body, who said you are a depraved fiend who can’t stop eating?  Eat the cake, listen to your body, put it back on the shelf or in the fridge when you feel like you’ve had enough.

I’ll leave you with this amazingly hilarious video of a pig who just wants a cookie, but someone put them up on the fridge where he can’t reach them and he tries a zillion ways to get them. Let’s laugh at this and also see it’s truth, the truth of the “I don’t deserve this cookie, it’ll make me fat, etc, etc” that underlies most people’s dessert eating.  http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=FrTbnczYAd4&feature=player_embedded

Eat treats and be merry.  I know that I finally can and do.