Using the love to find calm

I am grateful for much in my life!  So much has happened in the past year and it’s difficult to comprehend sometimes just how different I am.  I am different, but I guess I’m just getting back to who I really am, instead of living from all the fear, guilt, helplessness and everything else that I grew to know as the true me.

It really is super exciting for me to learn about the real me, my true self and to learn about how to live from my heart, from my truth, so that I don’t get caught and lost like I had in the past.  One of my favorite things to do is to breathe into my heart and bring in all the light and love from the sun, from the universe, from my higher self and breathe it down into my body and feel it.  I love feeling my body start to tingle, to recognize that I am connecting to it, that I am in a sense coming home to live here, in my body, instead of being scattered all around.  I really love feeling the calm and the beauty inside when this happens, I am starting to use that feeling as a guide, that when I’m not feeling it, I’d better stop and breathe and come back to me.  I don’t remember every time, but it is getting easier and it makes such a difference!

I had a beautiful opportunity the other day to teach this to a little girl who was distracted, uncomfortable and in pain.  She had just participated in the kids class that I teach called Playing From the Heart: Kids Connect (www.playingfromtheheartkidsconnect.com) and we had shared a picnic together and then we were all playing at the park.  She was upset about her hands and her mom was trying to get her to rinse them off in the splash pad because they were full of sand.  She seemed quite agitated and she couldn’t quite hear her mom, she was too upset about it all.  The girl was close to me so I asked her if she had a “bobo” on her hand because that would be quite uncomfortable with sand in it.  She stopped and looked at me and was calm for a moment, then they went back to trying to rinse it off.  She ran away.  When she came back, she was standing right in front of me.  I asked her if she could pretend like she was holding a fruit in her hand like we did in the class (for more information about the fruit meditation we did, please check out my other website at the following link!: http://playingfromtheheartkidsconnect.com/2012/07/22/using-the-fruit-meditation-at-home/).

from: http://www.thelivingvision.com/blog/?m=200808

She cupped her hands around the imaginary fruit.  I let her know that all the love she sent to the fruit, she could now send to her hands to bring the love and calm to her hands so she could feel more comfortable.  She seemed ready to do it, so I asked her if I could help her too and she agreed.  So she held her hands together and I put mine around hers without touching them.  I closed my eyes and sent all my love to my hands and then out to her hands. I could totally feel it going out and over to her hands, it was super awesome, super loving, super beautiful.  I opened my eyes and asked her if she could feel that and she had an interesting look on her face, so I kept doing it and then I knew it was time to stop, so I did.  Her mom was right there and I explained to her that we were doing the fruit meditation and sending the love to our hands to ease her daughter’s discomfort.  I looked at her daughter and asked her again if she felt better, if she had felt the love and she loudly breathed out and she had these huge shivers, and she did that a couple of times.  It was super cool, she looked so calm, so incredulous and so happy all at once.  It was such a gift for me to be able to offer that to her because in the past, I have been so closed off and so scared of uncomfortable situations.   She stood around me for a minute and then it was time for her to go and she left.  I was sitting there smiling so much, so excited to be in a place where I can pass on these tools that I have had to learn for myself to be comfortable again.

Thank you to that little girl for that beautiful opportunity!

Where do you live from?

Have you ever stopped to wonder where you live from?

Do you live from a place of:

  • leave me the f&*k alone
  • f&*k you
  • you can’t control me
  • who do you think you are
  • please love me, please see me
  • why even bother
  • I’m not worthy
  • I’m useless
  • I can’t do this any more?

I used to and I know I still kind of do, not consciously, but there is definitely an energy within me that is about all of these things.

Do you ever wonder why the same sh&t keeps happening over and over?  Do you wonder why you are attracting it?  There is so much about energy that I am just learning.  Because I’ve had all of these energies in my body, from upsetting childhood experiences, for example, those energies have been unconsciously influencing my life.  I am learning that all of those thoughts, emotions and energies are not me, I am so much more, I am full of love in my heart, in my core.  We all are.

What we all are in our hearts, in our core (from wallpaperdisk.com

I’ve had the brilliant opportunities to see how limiting those energies have been for me, for my daughter (because she feels them and responds to them), for my relationship with my husband, in my past jobs, etc. because of the healing work I’ve done with Jean Brazeau.  I’ve learned how and where those energies came from (from my parents, from the world, from my family, from my hurt 3 year old self, from past lives) and I’ve worked with Jean to get to the core of them, to release them, so that I can be me, Bradlee, pure and simple.  The freedom I now have in my heart because of these releases is indescribable, it is pure bliss, it is brilliant, it is like the wind is always blowing and I’m a huge tall ship and I never have to worry about adjusting my sails, it’s like the glass is always full, it’s like I could dance in bare feet on hot sand and still look graceful, it’s like I’m a pastry chef even though I don’t have all the tools, it’s like my body is finally just my body, it is beautiful and it just is the way it is, it’s like I’m finally me, all of me, not all of that list expressing itself through me, trying to fool me into thinking it was the real me.

So the next time:

  • you want to hide from the world, from your family, from yourself
  • someone asks you if you need help and you say no, it’s okay and try to manage by yourself and you struggle
  • you wonder why life is so hard
  • you push someone away or you avoid their eyes
  • feel so alone even though there are people around
  • say hurtful things because you are really hurting inside

take a breath and know that none of it is you. You are gold, you are beautiful.  Breathe and let it pass through and know that if you want, you can get to the core and release those feelings, because that’s all they are, it’s not you.  There are so many ways to get to the core, to find the peace, to get the release, to get to know you again, all of you, all the parts of you that you were taught weren’t good enough for the world, and you will actually know that you are perfect the way you are, that you never did anything wrong.  I am choosing me, not the sh*t, not the energy, not the withdrawing from the world, I choose me, for me, for my family, for the world, so we can all see we are beautiful and that freedom from all we thought was us, is possible.  I am working with Jean, you may choose another format, whatever works for you.  My husband Robbin works with Jean and has now become a Reconnective healer, which is a different way of accessing the truth.  Find what works for you, get to know you.  You are ridiculously worth it.  And then you can live from the love.  I’m there and I’m going all the way to the pure love, may you go there too.

 

Why let the emotions do you in?

I like that question.  I also like the idea that I am trying not to give up my power and my life to the emotions I experience. This kind of feels like a monumental task, but I’m taking it a day at a time, actually, I’m taking it situation by situation and that’s really all I can do.

Tee hee, this was me before I realized how I let the stress take over (from baloocartoons.com)

This afternoon, I went to Costco with our nearly 3 year old daughter.  Everything went smoothly, we didn’t buy the whole store, we stuck to what was on the list, except for the monster box of granola bars.  I have a new recipe for granola bars that is so ridiculously good (thanks Lisa!!!) but I still bought a box. So there you go, I bought them.  It’s the Costco consciousness, “look at this big box, I must need it, they’re tasty, they’re mostly healthy, never mind that I can make equally good, if not better ones at home, I must buy these.”  I figure that coming out of there with only one superfluous purchase is pretty good.

That ramble aside, here’s where the emotions came in.  We were waiting while they scanned all of our items.  Zara was in the cart and it was close to the time for me to pay.  So I said to her, “okay I’m going right over here to pay with my debit card.”  I started to swipe it and she said, “Mommy, get me out of here.”  I said, “You can just turn the other way and you’ll be able to see me,” as I was thinking that was what she needed.  Then I swiped and the card didn’t read, and then I looked up and she was trying to get out of the cart, the guy was trying to help her, and then I tried to swipe again, starting to freak out, like, “holy moly, what do I do, do I get her out, do I swipe again, is the card going to work, like there are people waiting in line, is Zara going to fall out?”  Honestly, that’s what was going on.  So I breathed, went over to Zara, helped her out of the cart, like I will do from now on, like if she needs out and there are people waiting, it will be okay if they wait an extra 20 seconds, it’s okay.  That’s how I recovered.  Why would I favor a line of people at Costco over my daughter?  Why did I create all of that stress? Did anyone say anything to me, like, “hurry up?”  No!!  But the emotions of panic and must hurry and must run around without my head, all came up.  Luckily it only lasted about 10 seconds, although it felt longer, and then I recovered, I breathed, I got Zara out, the guy ended up swiping my card and getting it to work and then I paid and breathed and started walking out.  I actually said to the cashier, “I started getting all nervous,  and it was me who created the stress, I’m working on it, and I’m not going to create stress like this anymore.”  He smiled at me and was like, “Ya, why worry.”  It was awesome, he had a Caribbean accent, I think he is totally carefree, he seemed like it, aren’t Caribbean islands like that?  We can all do with that a bit.

Then, I pulled over the cart and explained to Zara what had happened, how I had given up my power to the emotions, and that I was able to get it back and how it’s super important to be grounded and to remember to breathe so you can recognize it. I think she kind of got it, tee hee, who knows.  What’s important is that she see me breathe, reconnect with myself and take back my power from the phantom stress that I created.

That’s my daily challenge to myself, can I see the emotions for what they are, merely emotions?  They aren’t me. They never were.  And now, I’m going to make sure I do my best to stay on top of them, laugh when I don’t and continue the challenge, to be true to me instead of to my thoughts and emotions, which are never a true reflection of me and the love that I am inside.  If you’re reading this, think about one thought you had today, one thought that side-tracked you, that took over, and then laugh and know that it isn’t you, it never was.  You are great, you aren’t fat or stupid or ugly or alone or old or unimportant, you are perfect just the way you are.  Take back your power with me, it is the journey and challenge of a lifetime and it is so worthwhile.  No one can do it for you, trust me, I waited 31 years for someone to do it for me and now I’m going it for me and it feels pretty damn good.  Please share your story if you are so called!

When there is nothing but scattered

This is what it felt like this morning in our home (photo from webdesign.org)

I think we all know this feeling.  The feeling of being pulled everywhere, of not knowing what to do next, of being confused, feeling pulled in every direction.  I like to call it scattered.  I lived like that for sooooo long. It’s only since I’ve started on this healing journey and learning about emotions, how they get stored in the body, and how parts of us can actually leave our bodies unless we are grounded.  Yes, I actually just wrote that.  Apparently that’s what happens when we feel scattered, that it is time to sit in silence, be with ourselves, call all parts of us back in and get grounded, get your feet back on the ground, get balanced, get focused, whatever you call it, it’s what so many of us need, our family included.

So this morning, things were going fine, we were playing, organizing, eating together and hanging out.  Then, we started doing some laundry, some sweeping, and we started taking care of the house, each one of us was doing something different.  I felt like it was okay, but then I noticed that Zara (our almost 3 year old daughter) was running back and forth between us, calling out to both of us, but not actually doing anything.  I was trying to keep her engaged, keep her focused, and it was kind of working, but it wasn’t enough.  Then I decided to take a bath and she was running around Robbin (my husband), and coming back into the bathroom and back and forth.  So I asked Robbin to help her get settled, to empower her, to give her some choices of things she could do, instead of running around between the two of us.  That worked for awhile, but then it wore off.  So I got out of the bath and we all ended up downstairs and I realized what it was.  I don’t think any of us were grounded.  It could also have been that either just me or just Robbin wasn’t grounded and then Zara was picking up on that and she was just running around because she wasn’t grounded either.  So with none of us grounded, it was a big scattered run around mess.

We were sitting in the living room and I was helping her to see that she needs to be grounded so that she can not feel everything around her (this was before I realized that Robbin and I likely weren’t grounded either).  So she wasn’t too interested, but she could see that she could get all of her scattered thoughts and parts back in, so she did that.  Then we sat quietly while Robbin and I got grounded (we sat, we breathed, we connected with our bodies until we could feel them tingle, there are lots of ways, we both really like touching our fingertips together and breathing and feeling our bodies, the healer/coach/guide whom we see taught us that, and it’s also in A New Earth By Eckhart Tolle).  Before we knew it, the difference in the room was huge.  I felt more calm, with my feet on the ground so to speak, and Robbin felt it too, and then, Zara was off, playing by herself behind the couch with all her guys.  I was stunned.  As simple as that.  It had nothing really to do with Zara, she was just picking up on what Robbin or I were going through, or our lack of grounding.  We’re trying to teach her to be grounded so she herself can be focused, so she won’t be drawn into all the energy scenarios and dramas around her.  Slowly it’s making a difference for her, I think it’s hardest around your family though, we all know this:)

I had to share it.  I likely don’t know all the deal, the deep deep intricacies, but I know that it helped.  That with grounded, calm and focused parents, children can thrive.  Now, it’s just about remembering to get grounded and to coach her to do the same.  Tee hee, maybe not a small feat, but something awesome to work towards.  Then our house looked more like this and we were able to get it back to this much more quickly if it got back to scattered mode!

Beautiful peace, beautiful openings to start from, instead of the scattered whirlwind...from ndsu.edu