I had a healing session with Jean Brazeau in November 2012. I was at a point where I really needed it, I was so stuck in being responsible for everyone around me. I always felt like I had to help, like I had to be involved in their lives, etc. I learned through my healing that it was all to cover up how alone and unloveable I felt inside. It was so good to let that go. I don’t remember the specifics of what I let go that day, but I found this document that I typed up a few days later, while at Chapters for some Bradlee time. I was typing, let it all come out and I was pausing to read William Linville’s book “Living in a Body on a Planet: Your Divine Abilities.” That book is brilliant. Every time I read it, I evolve and grow, it is that powerful. I read it chapter by chapter, and I’ve been reading it since September and I’m only on the 3rd, each chapter seems to keep coinciding with what I need to let go of and focus on, the first was true relationships (letting go of judgements and beliefs to exist in love), the second was on the body and its ability to heal itself and our innate abilities to connect with our bodies and to heal them, and the 3rd that I’ve just recently started is about our guidance levels, our higher levels and how if we can listen to them, tell them to take command of our lives, they will guide us to live our true lives, full of love and light.
And now, my musings from November. I have come so far, and I will continue on this path. I am grateful for this journey!
“Meditation on True Relationships
Since my last healing, I was really struggling, really trying to find my way, trying to let go of all responsibility for others. I was really wanting to, I thought I could, but I was stuck. I now see that it was all part of the process, all part of the letting go of emotions, of judgments, of perceptions, of responsibility for everyone around me, of needing to make sure that everything around me was okay, and that everyone was okay.
I let everyone’s beliefs and perceptions become my own. I couldn’t be around one dear friend without assuming all of her life, all of her struggles, similarly with two others. I took them all on into my physical body and I felt their struggles in my body, my body slowed right down and started shutting down, just like Will says in his book. I wasn’t trying to give them my power, to let their lives take over my own, I think it was just part of my learning.
I was able to accept what was going to happen with my teeth once the wire came off. I realized that they don’t have to be straight, that I can just let them be, wherever that will be for them. Because of reading Will’s book, I was able to let it go, I was able to move through my need for them to be straight. I was able to see just how much emotions and other people were ruling my life, how much power I was giving them. I re-read the chapter on true relationships and I’ve now come to understand that I really only need to have a relationship with myself, with my mind and body, that they are my best friends, and that if I relax, let go of the need to control, let go of being responsible, that my higher levels and my divinity will shine through and they will guide me. I am done with trying to force my way through life, I want life to come to me, I want my guidance levels to be able to contact me because I am open and willing to live my true life. I want to know the truth of life, the beauty of life, I want freedom and I see that it is all within me, that I can and have let it all go, that now I can just dance and take it easy, let the dance happen, recognize when I’ve gone back into the mind levels and let go of any beliefs or perceptions that have brought me back there. I can be me, and let the rest unfold. I don’t need to try to figure anything out, or see what my purpose is, or try to fix others, everyone has their own journey and I’m on mine and I’m so happy about it, I’m so happy to be here, to be learning, growing, loving and expanding and opening. I am so supported and loved and I am love. May I continue to feel that and remember that deep in my bones, that everything doesn’t need to be okay, that I am a gift, and that I can do it, I am doing it, I am living and growing and that is beautiful.
I do want to know the truth of all that is. I want to shine and grow and be my divine self. I want to let go of the need to help others, and accept that by being me I will reflect their true selves right back at them.
“Freedom is a state of expansion, clarity, wide openness, where nothing but nothing has power over you.” (from Will’s book) It is my natural state and to have beliefs is to create a wall. To get stuck in the mind levels is to block myself off from freedom, from my natural state, from my divinity, and then I get stuck, just like us all. I have felt the clarity and neutrality in my mind, in that wide open space in my head, and that is where I will live from, and while I may dance out of that space, I have been there and I exist there, and I will find my way home. It is all part of my journey, all part of the dance, all part of the challenge.
I am part of this world, but I am not of it. Enough. I am here, I am love, I am truth.