I asked for words to describe what was going on inside of me this morning and the words below are what came to me. I recognize that although I often wish I had an instruction manual for what is happening inside of me, that the instructions and guidance is all right there, inside of me, just waiting for me to notice.
Oh my dear precious heart
Oh my dear precious heart,
I love you.
Help me put words to these feelings,
these sensations of being dragged down into an abyss of despair.
I feel the shell cracking open and it is painful.
I know what is waiting for me underneath and
I am doing the best I can in the meantime to
love the one whose shell is cracking,
whose time is up,
the one who is coming up to be loved
before she dissolves back into infinity
to the heart of the universe,
where she can once again merge with the Totality of the One
who is emerging from underneath the shell.
Oh dissolving one, I love you.
I feel you in the tightness of my muscles,
in the pathways of fear that you have weaved
through my lymphatic system,
in the cramping around my heart and the
shifting and rewiring in my brain.
I feel like my body and I are getting ready for your Exaltation,
the only thing is I don’t know what to do for you or me in the meantime.
The pain is so real and I love you.
The exhaustion is so real and I love you.
The tenderness and weakness that comes in waves
is so real and I love you.
The vulnerability that is pressing to be released is very real
and it is who I truly am, a wide open being with a tender loving heart,
who has no secrets, who is unashamed of her feelings
who is compassionate to herself and others, and
who can be authentic
instead of how she is supposed to be.
She is emerging and I feel like I am dying.
Oh precious heart, oh precious one who is dying,
I love you both.
Please take charge of my death and emergence dear Lord
and please help it to be gentle and full of opportunities for growth for me.
Please continue to guide me from within and without as I
progress through this experience, all while learning how to take better
care of myself, all of me,
all while having a day job, a wonderful family, and a home.
Show me to bow down so very deeply within me and to have the courage
to love and surrender the one who is dying
so that I may emerge
fully as the grace of God in form.
Please help me to allow these changes to take place with as much grace and humility as possible.
Please help me to love the one who is dying,
the one who is hanging on to the need to control, to dominate
and to blame.
May this experience teach me to love everything in my experience more deeply than ever
before and may my death and rebirth be a gift to all hearts who have and who will be going
through their own version of this experience.
May we all allow the light of our souls to emerge fully.
May we all love and nurture the one
we always thought we were,
the one who is dying,
the one who is reuniting with our
One True and Collective Holy Nature.