Oh my dear precious heart

I asked for words to describe what was going on inside of me this morning and the words below are what came to me.  I recognize that although I often wish I had an instruction manual for what is happening inside of me, that the instructions and guidance is all right there, inside of me, just waiting for me to notice.

Namaste,

Bradlee

 

Oh my dear precious heart

Oh my dear precious heart,

I love you.

Help me put words to these feelings,

these sensations of being dragged down into an abyss of despair.

 

I feel the shell cracking open and it is painful.

I know what is waiting for me underneath and

I am doing the best I can in the meantime to

love the one whose shell is cracking,

whose time is up,

the one who is coming up to be loved

before she dissolves back into infinity

to the heart of the universe,

where she can once again merge with the Totality of the One

who is emerging from underneath the shell.

 

Oh dissolving one, I love you.

I feel you in the tightness of my muscles,

in the pathways of fear that you have weaved

through my lymphatic system,

in the cramping around my heart and the

shifting and rewiring in my brain.

 

I feel like my body and I are getting ready for your Exaltation,

the only thing is I don’t know what to do for you or me in the meantime.

 

The pain is so real and I love you.

The exhaustion is so real and I love you.

The tenderness and weakness that comes in waves

is so real and I love you.

The vulnerability that is pressing to be released is very real

and it is who I truly am, a wide open being with a tender loving heart,

who has no secrets, who is unashamed of her feelings

who is compassionate to herself and others, and

who can be authentic

instead of how she is supposed to be.

 

She is emerging and I feel like I am dying.

Oh precious heart, oh precious one who is dying,

I love you both.

 

Please take charge of my death and emergence dear Lord

and please help it to be gentle and full of opportunities for growth for me.

Please continue to guide me from within and without as I

progress through this experience, all while learning how to take better

care of myself, all of me,

all while having a day job, a wonderful family, and a home.

Show me to bow down so very deeply within me and to have the courage

to love and surrender the one who is dying

so that I may emerge

fully as the grace of God in form.

 

Please help me to allow these changes to take place with as much grace and humility as possible.

Please help me to love the one who is dying,

the one who is hanging on to the need to control, to dominate

and to blame.

 

May this experience teach me to love everything in my experience more deeply than ever

before and may my death and rebirth be a gift to all hearts who have and who will be going

through their own version of this experience.

 

May we all allow the light of our souls to emerge fully.

May we all love and nurture the one

we always thought we were,

the one who is dying,

the one who is reuniting with our

One True and Collective Holy Nature.

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