I know….

Before I start, I just want to say a few things!

The inspiration for this post comes from many places:

  1. My friend Julie Keon’s essay: http://www.whatiwouldtellyou.com/, it went viral quickly.  She is bold and beautiful and has much to share with the world.
  2. From the people whom I have met in this past year of opening and healing, all of whom have showed me what I have left behind, the pain, the sadness, the fear, the little kid-ness inside (that place of hiding behind your mom’s leg).  I’m not saying that I don’t have any of these emotions inside any more, but there are less, and their pull on me is far less, but as a result, I can see it so much more in people’s eyes, all that is not them, but that they believe to be them.  For them, I write this post, from my heart, from what I have behind, so that they may know that they are not alone, that all that they feel, all that is within is not them, that they can connect to their heart to feel their love, their glory and their beauty, if they so choose of course, because that it not everyone’s journey as I am quickly learning.

_______________

I know what you are feeling.  I know that look in your eyes. I know you want to run and hide from me right now.  I know you’d wish that you didn’t have to be in this room with all of these people.  I know what it feels like for you when you are alone. I know what it feels like, having to protect yourself all the time, having to protect those around you, but not really wanting that responsibility because it is so heavy, it is almost like carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, and it truly is too, that heaviness, that weight.  Why should you be responsible, right, especially when all you want to do is run and hide and protect you, but wait, then there’s the guilt, the guilt of not being able to care for them, not being able to take care of them, love them and shelter them and give them all you didn’t have.  It doesn’t matter who “them” is, for you, you know who they are, you know what it is inside that is grabbing you, that is reminding you that it is there, that it is heavy, that it won’t let you go, that it’s slowly killing you, the real you inside, the glory and the light, if only you knew about it, right inside you, so you could cling to that divine beauty who you truly are, instead of all the fear and guilt that is only pulling you further and further away from you, from the real you.  I can see past it now, I can see you, I can see your possibilities and they are endless.  I know you know about them.  I know you have felt your glory on occasion.  And it’s brilliant, it’s amazing, it astounds you, but then it goes and it leaves you feeling even more confused and alone. I know.  I remember that.  I remember the disappointment, the feeling betrayed by my own life, by God, by everyone around me, why do they hate me, you ask?  Why do they leave me when I need them, why do I push them away?  I know all of those questions, all of those feelings, I know.  I wish I could hold you and tell you it’s all going to be okay, because it is possible, you are the Creator of your own life, you can do it, did you know?  I now know it, but I didn’t before.  I would like to share that with you.  Did you know that you have a choice, that you are divine inside, that God is within you, God is within all of us, and he is in everything, God wants to experience life through us, to get to know Him/Herself better, just as we are here, living this life, we can choose, do we want to live it all, the good and the bad, because from there, we can rise, we can move beyond, and we can live from our heart, and from that place, all of this, all of this we call life, will just happen, without any attachment to outcomes, you can just be, you can breathe, you can drink water and feel nourished, you can hear your own heart song, the pounding of your heart within, guiding you, you will hear it louder and stronger and you will live from that place, you can choose in what lifetime you want to do it, you can let it take many lifetimes to get there and that’s okay, it’s your choice.  But you’ve already lived from that place of fear and despair and guilt, do you like it?  Do you really think there is anything else you can learn from that place?  If there is, fine, go for it, and then be ready, be ready to jump into the huge pool of love that is warm and safe and is surrounded by millions of people with outstretched arms, waiting to hold you, because you’ll actually allow for it, you’ll allow them to get close and you’ll see that there is nothing really real about fear, that you can walk through it to discover the love, the beauty of the world and the beauty of you.  Can you imagine it?  Allowing others to help you?  Allowing yourself to experience pain and then rise above it because you don’t have to beat yourself up any more, you don’t have to live in a place of guilt, because you’re starting to see how it and judgement pull you away from your heart, from your possibilities.  So when you are ready, we’ll be around that pool of love and I know, you’ll say, really, is this real, and I’ll laugh with you and I’ll remember how it first felt for me when I jumped in and was okay, and that I’m still okay, in fact I’m better than I ever could have dreamed because I have opened my arms, and yes, I still feel the fear sometimes, I acknowledge it, and I breathe through it, sometimes I cry, sometimes I feel small, but I know that it doesn’t have to be that way any more, I can release that energy that wants to come up from within and soar as more of my divine self comes right back in to fill in the holes that were previously filled with fear and guilt and judgement.  You can choose.  I know, it seems crazy, but we can.  You can.  When you are ready, I am here for you, I love you and I always will because we are all one, we all are the same inside, and we all have that beautiful place of love inside and we can all support each other in getting in touch with it each day, we can help each other instead of judge and push away.  It is possible.  I know it because I am living it.  I know it because truth is unmistakable.  God and love are unmistakable.  I didn’t have to read a book to discover God and my divine love, I have experienced it in my heart as I let it all go, and I know God is there with me now, it is truth because we are God and God is within us.  When you are ready, you can do it.  I know…. I know.  You can choose love, you can choose you, you can choose.  Take a breath, put your hands on your heart, feel it beating, breathe and breathe, feel it slow down as you touch your chest, feel it slow down and take you there, to the love, to your essence.  Keep holding it. Think of love, whatever that means for you, care, gratitude, appreciation, whatever it is.  Think of how you felt when you felt like there was still something to hope for.  Feel that hope.  It is your heart, knowing what is possible.  Breathe and connect with it, and let it guide you.  Be ready to hear it’s guidance.  I know.  It sounds crazy, but did you see how calm you just got?  It’s possible.  I know.

With everlasting love and many blessings.

Namaste,

Bradlee

When you are ready, you will find love is always there, within you. I have no idea how this happened, but I made an unintentional heart shaped pancake. This morning I lay on the pillow with wet hair to let out some fear and cry and I got up and there was a wet heart-shaped spot. It is everywhere, when you ready, let it in, let it out, feel it and be it.
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