What a weekend!!
Well! If you had asked me if I was going to:
- spontaneously go to a Groove Method (www.thegroovemethod.com) dance class Friday night,
- have the time of my life,
- move my body in the first real exercise I’ve done since before I was pregnant,
- feel like I was connecting with my true self through dance and,
- then very firmly decide to register for the Groove Method facilitator course that was taking place the next two days,
I would have said you were crazy!
Here are some reasons why I would have said you were crazy:
- I have only left my daughter to be put to sleep by people other than me once (I have had some deeeeeeep abandonment fears to work through, soon enough I will get them posted in the My Healings section of my blog to give context to where I am now and how much I have let go of. There is one there now, but many more to come!)
- I have never left my daughter for more than 3 hours in a day and I was going to be gone from 8:30-5:30pm both days!
- I am not a fitness instructor (but I’ve always loved to dance)
- I hadn’t yet given my self permission, or even realized that I hadn’t, to be anything other than a mom to a young child or a wife.
So there you go. Because of the last healing I had a week and a half ago (it’s currently the only one in the My Healings section of this blog!), I was able to see how little control I’ve always felt like I had over my life. It’s been such a long time coming that lesson, holy moly! If you had only ever known me, you might have said, wow, here is this girl who is happy, who seems like she’s got it made, but inside, I’ve always felt stuck, sad and alone. Crazy, it just never really matched up, I kind of felt like a walking dichotomy, but since I’ve been doing this healing work, I’ve let go of emotions and welcomed in more of my true self, the happy person I truly am (we are all this happy inside, this magnificent inside, it can seem to hard to belief, trust me I know this, but it’s true).
All that being said, after this last healing, I kept seeing how I had sooo limited myself at home, how stuck I was making myself, even though I was the one unconsciously doing it, my daughter certainly never said, “mommy, you can’t have any activities or any thing outside of the home,” and neither did my awesome husband, but I had put that on myself and it was really starting to limit me. It was creating an internal confusion, as well as a building resentment I really didn’t want to feel towards my family. That healing helped me to see that I could give myself permission to make my own choices, that I had control, that I could take back my power from my earlier life experiences where I surrendered to the masses, to what was expected of me instead of what I wanted. And now, I’m seeing how freeing that can be for me and in turn, for my family. So I went for it. I signed up for the class! YES!!!!! Thank goodness. And because I had done the healing, I was able to leave for the evening on Friday and all of Saturday and Sunday without feeling the guilt and fears that Zara would feel abandoned (and of course she was more than fine!). Had I not done the healing, I would have gone (possibly) but I would likely have been plagued by all the doubts, guilt and fears. Not this weekend! And it was a blast! I have to share about this dancing!!
The Groove Method!! Wow! It’s a type of dance where the instructor guides the participants through different songs and they coach a few moves per song, and then they coach the participants to dance the move their own way. So everyone in the class is united in the movement, but everyone is making the same movement unique by expressing themselves through the movements. In essence, it allows the participants to get in touch with their true selves and to express that through their dancing. It couldn’t be more applicable to my current work in this healing and expressing myself! I was soooo grateful for this opportunity, to dance, to socialize, to be among other women, to share some stories, hear some stories, share laughs, giggles, fears and tears. It was so wonderful. It was the first thing I’ve had just for me and I loved it. It was a chance for me to be out and to learn something for me, to test myself out in the world as my true self, as Bradlee, instead of as Bradlee with her family out and about, or Bradlee out with Zara, and as Bradlee, without as many fears and limiting beliefs, etc.
I would say that one of the most beautiful gifts that has come out of all of this healing work for me is my new found ability to accept and love others and to see their true selves. I always had this judgmental commentary running in the background but it has now gone and good riddance. Now, I can meet new people, look them in the eyes, bring out the best of them by being my true self, and I accept them and love them and I can see who they really are beyond whatever it is that is making them feel stuck. I saw some incredible beauty, resilience, strength, love and joy in the eyes of the other women who took the course and the instructors too. I felt so privileged to be in that room, to get the chance to see them, to be me, to dance and to breathe and to keep myself grounded and not get caught up in everyone else’s lives like I used to. I got stuck a few times, but I managed to get grounded (by touching my fingertips together and holding it until I felt tingling… that helps ground you in your body, Jean taught us that), and to move on. I tried amplifying my light too (I’ll write about that in another post!) and it instantly made me feel calmer too.
I shared some of my observations (about who they really are and how I saw them) with the two amazingly open and beautiful souls who taught the course and with some of the participants, and it was interesting, because some of them were like, “oh really, you could see that, in me?” So I figure that maybe as one heals, one can see more, intuit more, feel more….and I’m grateful for it. If I can see people’s true selves (like Jean has always seen me and coached me (Jean is our family’s healer/coach/guide)) and now I can share it with people I meet, maybe that will help them along a bit. I’d totally like to guide people to reclaim their true selves, to let go of emotions, so maybe this is part of my journey to get there, to be able to see them, to be able to share it with them, to see what it is that may be holding them back. Maybe I’ve had to let go of so much sadness, fear and control stuff, so I could see it in others and help them get rid of it. Who knows. I just know that I learned how to Groove dance and I loved it to my core, and I am going to develop some classes, practice the moves, then have people come over to my basement for Groove dancing sessions for my practicum and then find a place to offer my classes in Ottawa and help people connect with their souls through dance.
Thank you Melanie Guertin, the creator Groove Method! She is so open, so beautiful, so full of light. No wonder this dance method is taking the world by storm and opening people up to their magnificence! And as always, thank you to Jean for telling me about Groove dancing. During my first session with her, she helped me connect with more of me, and she helped me to see that I was a dancer in two past lives and that those two dancers were always with me, guiding me and supporting me. She was like, do the Groove class, connect with the dancer in you. Thank goodness I did. Thank you to the women in the class. You are all beautiful. It was a pleasure dancing with you and getting to know you, thank you for sharing yourselves and your stories with me. And of course, thank you to all of my girlfriends who taught me how to dance, or rather, who gave me permission to express myself to the music, which is exactly what Melanie is doing all around the world, giving people permission to feel the music, to be themselves, to connect with themselves. Thank you. And thank you to my soul today. I was aching all over physically until I realized that I needed to connect with my body and see why that was happening. It turned out I was scared of being a Groove facilitator, and once I connected with that, I realized that I needed to give myself permission to do it, just like Melanie had been teaching us the whole weekend. Before I can teach people to give themselves permission to be their true selves, I had to do it for myself. I cried and cried, let go of the lack of control I felt, affirmed that I would be okay, that my family will be okay if I make choices for me, and then I had less physical pain. Fascinating, fascinating indeed.
If you’re in Ottawa and you’re reading this, let me know if you want to come over for some Groove dancing!