How I almost gave up my power, then recovered

Yesterday, I was going to this amazing event called Make Ahead, Get Ahead.  It’s a cooking event where 4 moms cook together in a community kitchen and then we sample our creations at a big table and the divvy up the bounty and take it all home.  We bring the kids, play, cook together, share life together, share stories and figure out how to make it all work with the least amount of mayhem as possible.  The event was created by a person who came into my life recently, and who is so special, so ground-breaking with her ideas, she’s really quite inspirational and neat.  Yes, neat.  Remember that word?  I’m going to bring it back, it’s quite useful and descriptive.

So there I was yesterday morning, trying to get all the ingredients together for the huge pot of tomato sauce with ground beef that I was going to make.  I realized at around 8am that the ground beef was still frozen!  So I told myself that it would be best to cook it slowly in the pot before leaving at 9:40am so that it wouldn’t take as long at the community centre with the 4 of us trying to cook and be there for the kids.  And I really wanted the sauce to simmer for a long time to get the flavors to meld nicely and that wouldn’t have happened had I not cooked the beef before going.  I was pleased with my decision.  When Robbin came downstairs in the morning, I told him that the beef was still frozen so I was slowly thawing it and cooking it before leaving.  And he looked at me and said, “Oh, I guess you could have thawed it in water and then cooked it there,” and then he had another idea too that he shared but I don’t remember it, probably because a part of me was upset, thinking, “oh maybe I should have done what he suggested, he’s saying I did it wrong, oh goodness,  maybe I should have, should have, should have…”  I felt it all come up and I totally lost touch of my logical decision about cooking it.  I let it all take over for a few minutes, and then I went, wait a fucking second, and I took a deep breath and realized how his comments/judgments had taken over and that I didn’t need to let that happen.  Then I calmed down, then I was myself again, I took back my power and settled into the routine of getting ready to leave again.

Before leaving, I went over to Robbin and told him how his comments weren’t actually that helpful and how they had really thrown me off from my prior logic but that I caught it and recovered and took back my power.  He said he realized it as soon as he said it, that it didn’t really matter because it was in the pot already, and that he was pleased for me that I was able to find my balance again.  Can you imagine how the cooking session would have gone had I arrived at the community centre like that, all thrown off balance, thinking I was wrong, I had done wrong? I used to live like that and I was always so scattered.  No more.  I hope to catch myself more and more often and to talk about it like I did with Robbin.  In fact, it worked out really well that the meat was already cooked, because then I played with the kids when they needed some adult company, and I was able to do that because all I needed to do was add the spices and the cans of tomatoes to the beef.  Thank goodness for that opportunity yesterday morning!!  And now I have tons of yummy food in the fridge and some pretty fun memories of playing and cooking and chatting yesterday.

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