The line between caring and taking on responsibility

Well, it seems as though this is really my deal lately.  Trying to find the balance between being there for someone and not taking on their life story as my own.   Letting their journey be their journey….My great friend is going through a lot and much of what I have learned lately could be helpful to her, or so I deemed.  So I tried to cautiously share what I’ve learned, leaving it up to her, without putting pressure on her to see “my way”, without making her feel like she’s doing it “wrong”, because she’s not, and for me, trying to just be there for her and love her.

I was pleased with how it was going and then I felt myself getting caught up in it, feeling like, “oh I need to share this,” with the operative word being need.  Do I really need to share it?  Does she really need to hear it?  Need?  No.  May she find it interesting, yes.That’s where I want to be!!  So, I tried to take a deep breath, pull myself back to the neutral place full of love for her in my heart.  I did it, but not before getting really involved.  You might ask how I knew I was really involved, how did I know that I was taking on too much responsibility, how did I know that part of me was with her in Toronto even though I live in Ottawa?  Well, I have learned that my body is a super useful guide for me.  I noticed that my digestive patterns had changed, like I was getting bloated, and I wasn’t as hungry.  I also noticed that I kept thinking of her and her life, when I really just wanted to be living my own!  I even felt back pain, like the weight of the world on my shoulders.  I think we all know that pain, right below the neck, at the traps…ya, I’ve learned that some of us (me too!) do feel responsible for everything and everyone and by feeling that, by living that, we actually are carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders and then our bodies slow down and we feel heavy and tired.

So I started feeling all of that in my body and I was seeing my mind race all over the place.  I laughed and went, well there you go, I was trying not to have this happen and it has.  The moment I realized it and emailed her to apologize, to let her know that I had gone too far, that I love her and that I support her no matter what.  My body slowly relaxed and by the end of the day, I was feeling much better physically.  Another lesson for me.  I’m glad to keep learning it!  I’ll also be glad when I can stay in that neutral place all the time, when I just radiate love and support without needing to change anything or anyone.  I am learning lots of cool stuff, about healing, the power and love we all have within us, the wisdom of our bodies, how we are not our emotions and I will find the balance with how to share it and live it and not let it become my cause, but rather just a part of me.

Here’s to all my beautiful friends and family members.  I love you all, you are all perfect as you are, I support you in your journeys and I am here for you.  May my heart and mind find the balance of love and caring and not taking on responsibility.


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