Moving beyond blame, a ramble

For years and years, I blamed my parents for everything in my life.  In fact, I blamed others too, everyone was responsible but me.  Haha, if you were to meet me, you’d say, you?  Blaming?  You, unhappy?  But inside was a whole other story.

I blamed others if I was sad, if I felt lonely, if I felt fat, I just blamed them.

I’m realizing now that blaming them removes me of responsibility for my life.  Who’s the one living the life I’ve asked myself!!  It’s me, not them.

I’ve had to take back my power from my parents, from everyone, from the world, from everything.  Take back the power I gave up by making everyone/thing responsible for me, instead of realizing that I had the power, that I was the only one who could live my own life.  It seems so simple, but it’s been a huge struggle, one that I am grateful I have had, so that I can start to see what has been running me.  Just by having that awareness, I have slowly started taking back my power.

I no longer need to feel shitty when the grocery store clerk is in a bad mood. That’s his/her story, it’s not mine, I’m not responsible for them and nor are they for me.  I don’t need to blame them or judge them for letting their emotions run them and then internalize it and then blame them for it.  I can be free, see it for what it is, and move on.

I am taking back my power and staying true to me, living my life, making decisions, listening to my inner voice, trusting my heart and going with it.  Learning to let go, to dance, to laugh, to be joyful and to eat with pleasure and to get on the floor and play and be silly.  What a difference, and thank goodness.  I’m learning that my inner voice is always right, it’s always trustworthy and now that I’m moving beyond blaming everyone around me (and myself too), expecting them to be responsible for me, I can hear the voice more. Again, thank goodness.  Let the marching band start, I’ll be the drummer.  Oompah, oompah!!  Wohoo!!

hahahaha, a picture of me extremely smiling!!

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