Become the Ocean

The two sides of me met today.

 

The part of me that feels connected to the divine has been growing stronger and

she nurtured the one who has been trying to stay afloat in the ocean of human suffering.

 

She whispered to the one who has been struggling to float

And she said,

 

“Become the ocean.

You don’t need to try to float anymore.

You don’t need to fight anymore.

You don’t need to struggle anymore.

Become the ocean.

Merge with the ocean.

Stop fighting and give yourself to the ocean;

for when you are the ocean

you don’t have to do anything;

you just are the ocean

and you can just observe everything that happens in the ocean,

without getting lost in the waves and storms.”

 

“Become the ocean,” she said.

 

I watched the one who struggles

and she stopped flailing around

and she started to relax.

After a few minutes

she wasn’t there any more,

for she had merged with the ocean.

The one who struggles became the one

who observes life and all of its waves,

as opposed to the one who fears the waves and tries

to get away from them.

 

For now I will rest and

be grateful to the wholeness within me

for bringing the one who struggles to the surface,

to become the ocean;

a symbol of the wholeness of the universe,

of the waters of heaven that pour into all hearts,

regardless of when we are ready to become the ocean, the universe,

the purity, the divine.

 

May we all rest easy in knowing that the waters will call for us to join them

when we are ready to stop the fight,

the struggle to stay afloat.

 

Peace be with you and with me, as we allow the shift in our experience

from the floater

to the all:

the ocean.

My thoughts about this poem: This was literally my experience yesterday and it blew me away.  I was dizzy so I lay down and then I started crying and I felt the right side of me awaken and talk to the left side of me, who was drowning.  The words I wrote above were what I heard within me.  I was repeating, “become the ocean,” out loud to myself for a short while too.  I am feeling very blessed to be going through this awakening and it is my wish and intention that by sharing this with you, that you will know that you are not alone, that there are gifts in all of your suffering and that the answers truly do come at the right time. I have wished for my life to be easier many times, but now that I am here, I would not have traded one bit of suffering, because it is exceptionally sweet and beyond description to be learning to pull myself up out of suffering and give myself a hug.  May your inner truth shine so brightly so that it may speak softly to you, just as mine is starting to do more and more.

Dissolving

Introduction

I wrote this poem a few days ago, when I was feeling so much pulling me away from myself and I didn’t know what to do.  I was trying to work at my desk, but it was hard and I felt like I was barely staying above the surface of what I was feeling.  For some reason, I decided to write, and through doing so, a deeper experience of the “pull” came to me and I was freed a few hours later as it sank in.  May these words bring awareness of the pull that is the ego, that is the unconsciousness on the planet, so that you may see how free you already are.  Many blessings to you!

Dissolving

There is a part of me that never needs to be fed by anything
as it is complete, whole and self-nourishing.
However, the part of me that feeds off of drama, junk food,
competition, hate, anger, rage, despair,
overwhelm, panic and sadness
is present.
It is showing me it is present.
It is wanting me to feed it
endlessly
ceaselessly and
without any regard to conscious action.

I see you.
I feel you.
I know your hunger.
I cannot feed you in the way that you want, crave or need.
I am waking up and you are hungry.
I know you will never be satisfied, that you will always crave, reach, pull, grab and hang on.
I don’t know what to do for you, except to be your witness,
the witness to what drives humanity to be inhuman,
the witness to the cause of the suffering of all beings,
the cause of the competition, greed and destruction
that is now ready to be revealed;
ready to be loved
nurtured
witnessed and
dissolved
through compassion, separation and merging with the wholeness within.

May your dissolving be gentle, peaceful and loving.
May I have the courage to be your witness
no matter how fiercely you crave, hunger or hold on.
I love you and I am here,
separating from you
witnessing you
loving you as your journey comes to this point of completion.
Thank you.

May all beings be blessed with the courage
clarity and awareness to separate from the hunger
and merge with the one who never hungers.
May the homecoming of the one who hungers be glorious.

 

The beginning of living free from co-dependency

Co-dependent living is the main way I have lived.  What it means is that I have mostly lived based on other people’s experiences of life.  More specifically, if someone I was with was mad, it was hard for me not to be mad.  If someone was feeling dismal about the state of affairs in their life, it was hard for me not to join them.

I remember one instance more than 10 years ago when our group at work moved offices and one of my colleagues was very grumpy and frustrated about all the things that went wrong.  I hadn’t set out to be grumpy, but I remember somehow watching myself grow grumpier and grumpier and there was this awareness in me that was watching me do that, but I didn’t feel like I could choose my own experience.  In a way, I was co-dependent; I was unable to determine and decide how I wanted to approach the situation, I was caught in her reaction, literally feeling choice-less.

It wasn’t until early last week that I started seeing how I could make a choice about how I experienced each situation, instead of only relying on others to show me how I should respond/react/handle a specific circumstance.  Last week, I was with my daughter and I realised that I was getting panicky and overwhelmed and that was my default way of handling the situation.  From within, I somehow stopped, breathed and decided that I could have my own experience of the situation and that the feelings of overwhelm and panic were trying to guide me, to show me that I was outside of my own experience.  They were like signposts.  None of it had anything to do with my daughter, she was acting perfectly fine, but my response showed me that I was outside of myself and that I could come back to me and make my own choices about how to handle the situation.  It was really like an aha moment, where I could see the reality of what was going on and literally take a step back and reclaim my life from my default way of experiencing it.

Through that small realisation and change in relating to the world, things now seem easier.  I somehow found it easier to talk about my opinions and feelings, without being scared, most likely because my well-being was tied up in how others were going to react to a situation any longer.  It was like I gave myself some space and permission to be more me; to know that it was safe to be me and that I didn’t have to gauge my well-being based on how others are experiencing life all around me, but solely based on how well I could stay with myself and inside of my own experience, instead of abandoning myself for the sake of how other people were reacting.

It is funny, because I feel like life has given me a myriad of unique experiences in the past two weeks, almost as a way to nudge me back to myself, so that I could find the peace that could come from having my own experience of life.  Yesterday and today, I literally felt myself going into someone else’s experience (and because I am quite sensitive to energy and feelings, I also felt them coming into me), and I was able to make the decision to come back to me, and make a choice about what was best for me in my experience.  It was so effortless and instinctive!  I really am grateful for life for guiding me here and to all the beautiful people who are playing various roles in my life, helping me to turn around, breathe and to choose me. Through choosing me, I am learning to deeply love myself, so that more of me can emerge and shine through, which is such a gift that I can then share with others in return.

May we all be blessed with the clarity to choose love for ourselves!  May we all be blessed with the courage to have our own experiences and to love ourselves when that isn’t possible.

What if our pain is golden?

What if your pain is calling out to you?

What if your pain is you, trying to get your own attention?

What if your pain represents all parts of you that were deemed unacceptable, unworthy, or wrong?

What if your pain is really just you, trying to come home to you?

 

May we all open our hearts wide to our pain,

to the lost, banished and shamed parts of ourselves,

to the aspects of self who are so desperate to come home that they hurt and we hurt.

 

May we all open our eyes and senses to what our bodies are telling us

To their messages hidden within the pain,

So that we may feel the longing to come home to our own selves

The longing to stop seeking outside for a resolution

But to turn around and find it within ourselves.

 

Like riddles and puzzles our pain calls to us,

It gives us clues to solve the simple mysteries

Of coming home to ourselves and uniting

Within ourselves.

 

May we all be blessed with the courage to say,

Pain I love you,

I welcome you,

I honour your mysteries

And I ask you to share with me

So that I may love you as me

And welcome you home into my heart.

 

As we take these bold steps toward loving everything that

Happens in our experience, may all hearts be touched by our

Courage,

Our bravery

And our deep desire to be in harmony within ourselves and

With life, no matter what circumstances occur.

 

May we rise up as the divine beings we truly are

And embrace our pain as the secret messenger of our

Innocence, purity, power and everlasting love.

 

– Written in honour of Matt Kahn’s pure teachings of love

 

Jumping

It felt really good to write this 10 days ago!!

“Oh my goodness.

I am sooooo tired.
I am tired from thousands of years of trying too hard, of worrying what other people think, of wanting to do the best for others that I always can.
I get it now, I really do, and I am ready to go with the flow of life and to stop trying so damn hard.
Take me in life, whether I float or not is not even an issue, just take me, I am yours and I am willing to go where you want me to go, with ease, grace and humility and no complaints about twists and turns or unexpected outcomes or feelings or experiences.
Take me in, I am ready.
I love myself too much not to be ready.
I’m jumping.”

Emergence

What if all the longing I felt my whole life was just so simple?
What if I thought I longed for another, when really,
I was just longing for myself?
For my own attention,
comfort,
care,
compassion and
love?
What if every time I longed to be passionate about a cause like my friends
or to have a boyfriend or
a romantic encounter,
all I really wanted was for me to turn around
and take a look at the beauty and rawness that was always there?
What if all of the external things were only traps
that I unknowingly fell into again and again,
feeling the press and pressure to fall in
from society
from family
from what is expected
and normal
and what should be done?
What if now I’ve fallen enough times?
What if I choose to be done climbing out of the holes and traps?
What if I choose to turn around,
to be bold and brave
and to embrace the me that has always been here;
the real me,
the one who has been patiently waiting for me,
the one who never longed, desired, craved or grew angry?
The one who accepted me and all of the distractions I got caught up in,
knowing that at one point,
it’s love, benevolence and grace
would catch my true attention.
What would happen then?
What did happen…
I learned to turn around and
I found a raw, pure and innocent part of my being that has always been with me.
It has an unbroken connection to infinity
to the stars
to the universe
to the divinity within all.
I went for it.
I stepped toward it and it has been entering me and filling me since.
Where it will take me, I don’t know, but I’m not falling, I’m only
cycling with the waves of emotion that are rising up within me
from such a radical
yet obvious
choice.
Through a willingness to have an open heart,
to live from vulnerability instead
of from fear and protection
and a realisation that all of my dreams had come true
before I had even noticed,
I turned around.
At that point, the gateway to my vulnerability opened
and it was gently guided by a beautiful soul with whom
I have shared past lives,
who whispered to me,
who helped me turn around and thank myself.  He helped me
to realise the beauty in my own heart and
to feel the purity and innocence within me;
radiating and pulsing like a star about to be born.
I am grateful to be here.
I am grateful to be emerging.
May I fly like the firefly,
landing gently on the arms of my fellow brothers and sisters,
reminding them of the light that is within them…
if only they would just turn around
and look.

Remembering

The light of the Creator shines in all;

The man serving your pizza

The woman cleaning the toilets at your work

The bus driver who lowers down the bus to help a little old lady climb on more easily.

 

There is that same spark in all of us and

It connects each and every one of us with its warmth

It’s light and it’s limitless possibilities.

 

May the man serving you pizza re-ignite the light within you.

May the smile of the woman cleaning your work toilet spark a remembering within you.

May the bus driver’s small acts of kindness remind you that you deserve the most kindness you can ever give anyone.